Foreplay: Just As Useful For Love As For Sex

by Paul Hudson

We may not all be Christopher Columbus, but every man has gone on the search for the other Atlantis: the female G-spot. While many swear of its non-existence, I can personally vouch that although it can be difficult to find, it most definitely does exist.

The reason why most have so much difficulty landing on her Plymouth Rock is because most men take the wrong route entirely. As everyone should know: the key to giving a woman the orgasm that she never knew she could have all lays in the foreplay leading up to coitus—not the act of coitus itself.

Foreplay has become very much underrated. While our fathers and forefathers were masters of the build-up—our generation arguably has never been introduced to the concept. Generation-Y is not a very patient generation; we know what we want—or at least we believe that we do—and we want to have it now.

We don’t want to wait until next week or tomorrow or even an hour. Once we decide that we want something, we feel that we are entitled to having it immediately. Being the very capable generation that we are, when we set our eyes on something—we usually get it.

The problem is that although most of us believe we know what we want, believe that we know what is best for us, in reality most of the time we don’t know shit—we only convince ourselves that we do. This does allow us to be confident and gets us what we aim for, but it leaves us close-minded and stubborn. We see a hot piece of ass and when we decide that we want her, we will get her; no doubt about it.

Once we have a game plan that has a high enough success rate, we tend to stick with it and use it over and over again. The problem with this is that while we do get what we aim for—which is basically fellatio with a side of missionary—every encounter that we have with the opposite sex becomes exactly the same as all the others.

Sure, each time we have new booty, but each time we pull the same moves and achieve the same result: an orgasm that isn’t any more memorable than the last. Foreplay doesn’t only intensify the female orgasm, it does the same for the man. The more you tease a woman, the more you are inadvertently teasing yourself.

To be quite honest with you all, I didn’t really plan on writing about different ways of making her cum. Sure, I could give you a few tips and pointers—pointers which had my Saturday night fuck buddy exclaiming: “No one has ever fucked me like that before”, but like professionals in all fields—I can’t give away all my secrets of the trade; it could be bad for business.

What I am more interested in pointing out is the similarity between sexual foreplay and the foreplay that we all dabble with while dating someone that we hope to keep around for the long haul. All the movies that we watch, stories that we read or hear—all the love stories that we believe only exist in fairytales—can become our stories.

Generation-Y is so focused on the end result that we rarely allow for a memorable build-up. We meet a woman that we are interested in and instead of taking the time to get to know her, to woo her—yes, I said woo her—we invite her out for drinks, try to get her somewhat intoxicated and hope that she’s down to get down on the first date.

What are we going to tell our kids when they ask us how we met mommy? “Well son, daddy and mommy met at this club at 4am. Mommy was the only woman left that was still able to somewhat stand on her own two feet. Daddy saw an opportunity to get his dick wet so he took mommy home. 9 months later, you were born.” Last night I spoke to a girl that I met over the summer.

She was a friend of a friend visiting from France and while she was here we became good friends. We chatted for a couple of minutes—talked about the usual stuff: how things are going, what she was doing with her life, who she was dating, who she was sleeping with… Well, this French girl is not your typical free-loving French girl. After I told her about all of my sexcapades, she admitted that she was neither dating anyone nor sleeping with anyone.

I can’t say that I was surprised because I got to know her pretty well over the summer and she really is the epitome of that ‘good girl next door’. Nevertheless, I decided to ask her why she wasn’t sleeping with anyone. She had mentioned before that she didn’t want to date anyone, but why not sleep with anyone either?

In my view, if you aren’t dating anyone, then you should be sleeping with whomever you can get your hands on. Her response was simple, yet enlightening: “I don’t want to sleep with anyone because I need more than just sex. I don’t enjoy having sex unless it is accompanied by love.” Many of us will no doubt believe this to be a naïve view of the world and the way that we believe the world to work.

The truth is, however, that the world works whichever way we would like it to work. If we are satisfied with meaningless sex or feel that that is the way that our world works, then that is the way our world will continue working. For people like my Frenchie, on the other hand—people that believe in and wait for true love—they are the ones that will live the fairytale endings that all of us have already given up on.

By treating women the way that we do—as means to our end—we are hurting ourselves more than we are them. Don’t get me wrong, I am all for sexing up the world. But if you cloud the view of your world to the point where you see no other possible way for a night to end other than with cheap, dirty, meaningless, albeit it fantastic sex, then you are sealing your own destiny.

If you are convinced that fairytale endings only exist in fairytales, then you are negating the possibility of that fairytale becoming reality. We are all in different points in our lives. For some of us, hot meaningless sex is all we need. For those of us that are looking for love, however, remember that the fairytale ending that we all dreamt of when we were kids, is possible.

Instead of always playing your end game, you will need to focus on love-foreplay. Talking, texting, going out to dinner, the movies—all of this is more important than getting her to undress. Take a minute to close your eyes and imagine the perfect love story for yourself and your future love.

How will you meet? What will be said? How will you ask her for her number? How will you ask her out? Where will you take her? What activities will you do? How will you make her fall in love with you? Why will she love you? Why will you love her? How will the two of you build a bond strong enough to last for eternity—a bond that will be deserving of that “Happily Ever After” ending?

If you don’t believe in fairytale endings then all that I can say is: that you are right; they don’t exist. If you do believe in fairytale endings then I have no choice but to tell you: that you are right; they do exist. You create your legacy. You create your world and you create your love story. Whether it will be as magical as the fairytales that we grew up on is up to you.

Paul Hudson | Elite. 

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