Dream Date Night For Michelle and Barack
Imagine this: You are president of the United States for eight years.
You're the first African-American to do so. Your wife is a rockstar. You're beloved. You're hilarious. You're kind. You do an incredible job progressing our country forward. Your daughters grew up to be incredible women. You have done your job, and you have done it well.
What would you do your first night back into regular old citizenship?
Here is the dream date night we hope Barack and Michelle treat themselves to tonight.
First, they implement a "no electronics" rule.
Look, you might have heard a real jack ass is taking over the position. What a downer, amiright?
Hopefully, Michelle and Barack agree no social media, no TV and no emails for a full evening. CAN YOU IMAGINE being the president of the United States, and then for one night, having an inbox of zero?
We're praying for you, Obama.
Then, they wear clothing that is comfortable first, fashionable second.
Even presidents deserve a good pair of Old Navy sweatpants. Wherever they are this evening, we hope they are rocking zip up hoodies and paying no mind to what a paparazzi might thing of them.
Though we're pretty sure Michelle dresses like Rihanna to go to bed, Barack might enjoy the freedom of tighty-whities and nothing else.
To that, I say, good for you, Barack.
They eat terrible fast food.
Though one of Michelle's missions as FLOTUS was to help end child obesity, which is, like, OMGSUCHAGOODCAUSEWEAREBEHINDHER.
But also, humans are human, right? And humans LOVE a good Cheesy Gordita Crunch taco from Taco Bell every once and a while.
Treat yo'selves, Obamas.
And book a run-of-the-mill hotel room.
Nothing says sexy like sneaking off to a hotel room, ESPECIALLY a very regular Best Western hotel room, after having the White House as your only place to do it for eight years.
Must be a real buzzkill to do it with the secret service standing outside of your door judging you.
They tell Malia and Sasha to take a hike.
There's probably a lot of pressure that comes with raising children in the public eye and also trying to keep them normal while, like, they live in the most famous mansion of all time.
I bet Michelle and Barack very rarely had a night off without worrying about the kids.
If I were them, I'd give each of the girls a crisp $20 and tell them to go to the arcade and not come back until tomorrow.
They pull out the White House yearbook and make fun of everyone they met while they were there.
You KNOW Michelle has some dirt on the Senate. We bet the two of them could giggle for hours over all of Biden's best blunders and all the hilarity that went on behind closed, political doors.
We also imagine this might kick up some nice, cathartic laugh-crying, which just imagining is too much for me.
Finally, they look into each other's eyes and silently say all of the things none of us could ever understand to each other.
I'm not crying, YOU'RE cryi — OK, yeah, I'm crying.
Thank you, Obamas. We love you.