My newly heartbroken, baby lesbian, I know you currently feel like your entire life is over and that you will never find love again.
The first cut of your gay existence is always deep as hell.
I've been there. When I fell in love with a girl for the first time, she triggered a slew of emotions inside of me that I had never felt before.
The first cut of your gay existence is always deep as hell.
I had watched my straight friends in high school sob over their boyfriends, and while I had tried my best to empathize, I never really understood what they were so goddamn upset about.
"What the hell is the big deal?" I'd ask. I mean, I was breaking up with boys all the time in high school, and I wasn't dropping weight and blacking out every weekend (at least, not for them).
But when I had my first girl-on-girl heartbreak the clouds broke open, and suddenly, I totally understood the magnitude of a shattered heart. A heartbreak is always painful regardless of your sexuality. I mean, heartbreak is probably the most universally painful experience in the world, right?
But there's specific kind of pain you feel when it's your first lesbian heartbreak.
Most of us queer people grow up feeling so isolated from our peers. We stand on the sidelines, watching our peers date, fall in and out of love and get possessed by their libidos, and a lot of us don't get to partake in any of that.
We feel freaky, different and disconnected. So when we finally meet someone who can kick up those dead emotions inside of us, it's a huge, pivotal moment.
Suddenly, we don't feel removed from love songs, and we fully understand the mainstream movies we've always felt so removed from. We are finally part of something, connected to the outside world.
There's a specific kind of pain you feel when it's your first lesbian heartbreak.
But when that love ends, we disconnect again. We dreamed of feeling this way our entire lives, and now that it's over, we're going back to our loveless, removed existence.
I totally get this, but I want you, my darling lesbian babe, to KNOW it's going to be OK. You will wake up one morning, and you will be over it.
And here are some of my expert lesbian tips to help you get there:
1. Make queer friends.
Your straight friends are not going to understand exactly what you're going through right now.
They will try, but you have to understand they probably can't quite wrap their brain around the weight of what's happened to you.
They don't know what it feels like to have repressed their feelings their entire lives, to have the opportunity to express them suddenly and then to have to reel them in again.
Don't alienate them by any means, but you're actually in dire need of your community right now. There are certain things you can't understand unless you've been there, and THIS is one of them.
In fact, I think I made my first group of lesbian friends when I had my first heartbreak. I remember being at some bar with my one lesbian friend, drinking my sorrows away.
A big group of her friends arrived, and they all asked me why I was looking so sad.
"I just had a breakup," I said, fighting back the urge to sob.
"Was it your first one?" A leather jacket-clad girl asked, raising her knowing eyebrow at the group.
"Yes," I said, gazing off into the distance.
"Oh, girl, of course you're so upset!" she smiled warmly.
I was surrounded by women who knew exactly what I was going through, had been there and had all survived.
They all promised me it would get better, and unlike when my straight friends said that, I believed them.
They coached me through my whole breakup. They took me to gay parties and showed me there was a whole lesbian world out there — outside of my ex.
But most of all, they told me to get over it because there was a giant sea of single, hot lesbians ready to date.
2. Do NOT glorify what you had.
Most first-time lesbian relationships are so incredibly intense, they're not really sustainable. All these new feelings you're experiencing for the first time can make you a total maniac.
I'm not naturally a jealous human being, but when I look back at my first lesbian relationship, I realize that I acted like a crazy, jealous, psycho bitch for our relationship.
Because I was so overwhelmed, my judgment was marred from my newfound sex drive, and I was so afraid of losing her that I became a very bizarre version of myself.
Most first-time lesbian relationships are so incredibly intense, they're not really sustainable.
That's why they say the first lesbian love of your life will probably never work out in the long term. You're figuring too much out; you're feeling too many things.
Do not glorify what you had now that it's over.
Remember, you probably broke up for a reason. You were probably fighting all of the time. And I'm sure you put up with more bullshit than you normally would've because you were blinded by your feelings.
Try writing a list of all the cold realities of your relationship. Write down what you fought about and all of the negative things you did to one another, and look at it every single day.
Remember, it was beautiful because it stirred up something very powerful and amazing inside of you, but it served its purpose.
3. Block her on social media, and DO NOT STALK HER SNEAKILY.
Look, lesbians are smart creatures.
Women know how to get under other women's skin in a way men will never know. And never will that be more evident than on social media post-lesbian breakup.
She's going to take gorgeous, provocative selfies with elusive captions because she knows that's exactly what's going to drive you into the mental hospital. She's going to post pictures with hot girls because she knows that will fill you with irrepressible sweeps of lesbian rage.
She's going to post weird memes and quotes that will make you feel like she still loves you one moment and then make you feel like she's moved on the next moment.
Women know how to get under other women's skin in a way men will never know.
It's going to mess with you badly, and you're in a very vulnerable place right now. Every time you click on her Instagram, you're going to have a huge setback.
Just block her, and stave off stalking her. Trust me.
4. Immerse yourself in queer media
Like I mentioned before, it can be very isolating when you have your first lesbian breakup, especially if you don't have a ton of gay friends yet.
You need to make sure you don't associate your entire lesbian existence with HER.
You need to know there is a huge gay culture out there and, hopefully, get excited about immersing yourself in it! Now that you're single, the possibilities are endless.
5. Cherish what she represented, but remember, YOU WILL feel this way again.
The reason you don't think you'll feel this way again is because you've never felt this way before.
But you will feel all of this again. And while you'll always cherish this woman (even if she turned out to be a narcissistic fuckgirl) because she woke you up inside, she's not the only girl capable of making you feel things.
Feel the pain, but trust that the pain is temporary. All feelings are.