Hey kittens, I'm back and I'm better than ever, baby. In the past couple of weeks I've shared my insider tips and tricks with my new video advice column "Lez Get You Laid."
In this video series my sole intention is to help you understand the complicated art of girl, through simple recipes. Last week we conquered the dark and stormy waters of taking a woman home using a proper English tea party (I am a proper English girl, contrary to popular belief). The week before I taught you how to make tantalizing cupcakes and how to be brilliant at oral sex (like, lesbian sex brilliant) all at the same time.
My number one goal in this cruel, cold life is to make women feel good. Because women are the most powerful force field in the entire world. And when the most powerful force field in the entire world feels good, the universal energy shifts into a more positive frequency. Don't we all want to exist in a more positive frequency? Hell hath no fury like a world made up of unhappy, sexless, orgasm-less women.
Anyway, I've been noticing a lot of my guy friends struggling to pick up girls in bars without seeming like sketchy creeps. And I deeply feel for you men (the good ones, not the entitled douchebags). I mean, we women have been so traumatized by creepy men slobbering all over us, our guards are up. A man creature so little as smiles at us and BAM. We're as cold as ice.
But hey, if Beyonce's walls can come tumbling down, so can ours. You just need a little Jay Z (pre-Lemonade) tact.
As a lurking little lesbian I've been observing men attempt to hit on women from the sidelines for years. I've hung my head and sighed one too many times when watching a hopeful boy getting burned at the stake by a fierce woman.
Which is why I decided to break down the art of picking up women in a bar -- to help both the single boys and girls in this world find love, sex and eternal happiness. It all starts with a little cheeky bar flirtation, doesn't it?
The more I thought about it, picking up a girl in a bar is a lot like making a drink. So here it is, babes. How to pick up a girl in a bar and how to make a perfect drink all wrapped together in a shiny, pretty package.