I once had a meltdown because I saw that someone I was seeing (read: had gone on five dates with and wasn't exclusive with) had "active two days ago" on his Tinder profile. He hadn't been active for the three weeks we'd been hanging out, and I was destroyed(ish). I think it was 2014. I was new at online dating, as well as at asking for what I want and dealing with my feelings like an adult. If you're in those early, in-between stages of a relationship, you might be wondering how to see if someone's active on Tinder so that you can log on, find they haven't been active, and confirm. Is your Tinder boo swiping left and right? (Or, I guess, right.)
You might be in a very committed and long-term relationship, but are having some suspicions that your partner is straying. A friend of mine recently saw a dating app pop up on her boyfriend of seven years' screen when he accidentally swiped over "recently deleted apps." Also, I don't know what kind of person thinks using dating apps is a smart way to cheat, but hey, everyone's different.
If you really can't bring yourself to ask your partner what's going on, here is how you can find out if they are active on Tinder.
1. Well, you can't really find out.
Sorry to be such a downer. Don't @ me, though, because I actually think this is a good thing. That torturous feature I mentioned Tinder had way back in 2014 that told you exactly when a match was last active? That's long gone. There's no actual way to creep on the app and find out exactly when someone was last on.
I promise you that had I not been able to "check up" on the person I was already going out on real life dates with, I wouldn't have been unduly paranoid. Without this paranoia, maybe I would have been a more normal, open date.
When I had my meltdown, a friend turned to me and said, "Well, aren't you technically active on Tinder, too?" Touché. Because I was checking his profile, yes, I too was active, and I was also continuing to swipe around, because I didn't want to get too invested in someone I could tell I was crushing on. In hindsight, I wish I could have just I chilled the F out. This guy wasn't doing anything wrong; we weren't exclusive. I never said anything to him, but my detective work findings were still eating away at me the whole time we hung out.
2. Check to see if they've updated their profile (ugh).
Fine. You're too curious to listen to my very serious advice that creeping on someone you are just starting to date is a terrible idea. If you just can't let go of the fantasy you're having in which you open up Tinder, discover that your recent date no longer even has a profile, and only wants you forever, I get it. That would be nice. At the same time, you could make the same motions of opening the app up only to find that they have been online recently, or worse, unmatched you (but like, who does this?).
"How can you tell if they've been online recently? You just told us you couldn't." I know, I did. While you cannot see if a person you know is actually active on Tinder, you could super-stalk them and see if any of their profile pictures are new or have changed. Again, I do not recommend this extraordinarily creepy move, but we are all human.
I don't know about your memory, but I would probably imagine that one of their profile pictures was newly missing, freak out, and then find them outside my door to pick me up for dinner with flowers in their hand. (OK, maybe the flowers are a bit much.) A confirmed profile update, however, is a sign they are still looking, so either have the exclusivity talk or feel free to ghost.
3. Be extra and pay $5 to find out.
I'm upset by this, but I feel the need to acknowledge its existence. This is reason number 45,234 why cheating on your partner via a dating app is a terrible idea. If you are in a serious and committed relationship, and you suspect that your partner is on Tinder, you can pay a site called Swipe Buster to cruise through Tinder's API, which is actually public.
I feel like this is a recipe for credit card fraud and trust issues for life, and I in no way endorse this website. Honestly, if you are seriously considering doing this, I would say just break into your SO's phone to find out for yourself. (Also a terrible thing to be doing.)
The main problem here is that you do not trust your partner. If you are considering investing in this website, you should also consider asking them point-blank if they are cheating. It's no fun to stay in a relationship where you are constantly worried about being betrayed.
Even if you aren't in an actual relationship yet, rather than going hunting for clues via the rabbit hole that is the internet, where I once confused someone's Venmo charge with their aunt for a new girlfriend (not proud), simply acknowledge that you want more from the person you are dating than you are currently getting.
Do you want to be exclusive? Ask them. It's scary, but getting rejected now will be far less painful than if you wait it out for six more months (months that will inevitably be full of investigation and paranoia). Trust me, I'm speaking from experience.
This post was originally published on Aug. 29, 2017. It was updated on Aug. 26, 2019 by Elite Daily Staff.