How To Move On When The Guy You Love Isn't Into You
No matter who you are, being rejected sucks. Especially when it happens in your love life.
The worst (or maybe the best, I can never decide) part of it all is that everyone gets rejected at some point or another. Even super hot girls like Raven Gates on "The Bachelor."
I've gotta be honest here, I don't really like "The Bachelor."
But from what I understand, Nick Viall dumped a girl named Raven Gates in the finale and she was pretty bummed about it. On the After the Rose Special, she told Chris Harrison:
I was realistic with another person being there, but I was also very confident in what we had because we were so fun-loving, had such a great time with each other. I think maybe a lot of people thought that I was naive, but I wasn't.
Weird that she didn't think she was "naive" when she was posting pictures of herself and five other chicks (who were all trying to marry her "boyfriend") touching his butt. But you know what they say, LOVE MAKES PEOPLE CRAZY.
But all my feelings towards "The Bachelor" aside, being dumped by someone you love sucks.
I feel bad for Raven and I want her to be able to move on. It's hard to move on, but it's one of those sucky things you sometimes have to go through in life.
And I'm here to tell you how to move on.
Accept the fact that he does not love you.
This is the first and probably the hardest part of the whole process.
You need to stop making excuses, stop dwelling on all the fun moments you shared with him and accept the fact that THIS MAN DOES NOT LOVE YOU.
I don't care how many good times you had together. He could've been your dream guy; the absolute perfect man who you thought only existed in your imagination.
I mean, look at this cute couple having a blast together:
But there's one thing that's fundamentally wrong with that picture: This guy doesn't love her. And it's simply never going to work out with someone who doesn't love you.
It's hard to accept that fact because your brain wants to believe that he really was perfect. Your brain wants to make excuses for him and reexamine what went wrong.
You need to figure out a way to tell your brain to STFU. Which leads me to...
Cut him out of your life completely.
How do you tell your brain to STFU? Well, a good start is to cut him out of your life completely.
It's obviously hard to cut someone you love out of your life cold turkey. It hurts. Your natural instinct is to want to keep them in your life in any capacity.
But, to keep him from occupying your mind all day, you need to cut him out. Block him on social media, lose his number and start getting used to life without him.
He probably won't be pleased when you break the news to him, but you need to stay strong and remember that it's for your own good.
Maybe, at some point in the future, you can be friends with him, but for now, your love for him is romantic, and his presence — online or IRL — is too much to handle right now.
Do a little bit of a boy cleanse.
Life without him doesn't necessarily mean you're going to jump right into life with a new guy.
No, if you were truly IN LOVE with this guy, I'm going to assume you're getting over a pretty intense relationship.
As fast and exciting as falling in love can be, falling out of love can be a long process. So don't try to rush it! Take as much time as you need to really get reconnected with yourself.
Spend time hanging with your friends and doing things you loved to do before he was around. Go to brunch and enjoy a good laugh. Go out and dance on a table. Stay at home one night and get started on that book you always talked about writing.
Do things YOU love to do with people YOU love to be around to remind yourself of all the good there is outside of him.
No matter how independent your relationship was, it's inevitable that a lot of your time was monopolized by doing things with him. It's time to remember the things you loved to do without him.
When you're ready, find a rebound.
Once you've taken enough time to yourself, someone new will eventually cross your path.
If you're feeling up for it, GO FOR IT.
Obviously, don't force yourself to move on if you're not ready. But, on the other hand, don't hold yourself back if you are ready to move on.
No matter how confident you are, getting dumped by someone you really loved can shake your self-esteem a bit. A rebound can help you remember that you've still got it.
It'll help you learn that you're not doomed to be alone and loveless for the rest of your life. There's HOPE out there.
Remember that you're better off without someone who never loved you.
Even when you move on (and I promise that day WILL come), your mind will wonder back to him from time to time because... well, you really did used to love him.
Remember that your mind's portrayal of him isn't reality. Science has literally proven that our brains romanticize our past relationships.
Not to mention the fact that all of those pictures you're wistfully looking back on were strategically taken to make you guys look happy and in love.
Next time you're feeling upset over your breakup, you need to face the fact: He didn't love you.
And, frankly, you deserve way better than having someone in your life who never loved you.