How To Make A Relationship Last, Even If You Disagree On These 3 Things
Relationships can last despite all kinds of differences. I have seen queer friends who have continued to date people who have transphobic viewpoints. I have seen communists date Hillary Clinton supporters. I'm sure Democrats betray their party and love on Republicans all the time. I'm not saying that I think these relationships should have continued. I'm just saying they can.
If, right now, you are wondering how to make a relationship last, despite your differences, the answer is something that only you and your partner can decide.
Although I'm not up for dating people who don't agree with me politically, I thrive on differences in relationships. I don't care if we speak the same language, as long as we like the same memes. Language might seem like major obstacles to overcome but comforting manatee memes are just way more important to me.
Here are some other differences and disagreements you can have with your loved one that probably will not tear you apart:
1. Staying Home Vs. Going Out
You like to spend your Saturday night partying with your friends until Sunday dawn. Your partner, on the other hand, prefers to spend their weekend making stew, calling their parents, and maybe going for a walk in the park.
The good news is your relationship can last. You might just have to decide how you are going to spend quality time with one another. Maybe it involves you and your partner taking a trip out of town every few months. Immersed in your own little bubble, you and your boo will be able to devote your full attention to one another, without anyone's social life as a distraction.
Or, if traveling isn't in your budget, you can see your friends every other weekend instead, and take some time away from the club to refuel and indulge in a lazy Saturday night. No doubt introducing some balance into your life would be good for your liver anyway.
Being with someone who likes to do completely different things with their spare time than you do is kind of great, because it allows you to try out new interests, expand your horizons, and introduce one another to new things. Your extroversion might bring out a hidden social butterfly currently cocooned in your partner, while their quiet presence might make you comfortable enough to share the side of you not everybody gets to see.
2. Having An Active Lifestyle Vs. Lying In Bed Eating Cake Every Day
Let me be perfectly clear: Of these two types, I am the lying in bed and eating cake type. If I'm swiping through Tinder and come across a basketball player or a marathon runner, I hesitate to swipe right even if I think they are cute.
My idea of a dating nightmare is having somebody wake me up in the morning to make me go for a jog with them. Or what if they go for a jog and then fling their sweat all over me when they get back? I shudder to think of that.
Still, your boo can be an all-star athlete while you cheer them on from the sidelines. Just because you are together, doesn't mean you have to do everything together. You don't even have to show up to their games if you don't want to (if both of you are OK with that arrangement). Having separate interests might even make your relationship healthier in the end.
3. Having A Ton Of Sexual Experience Vs. Being A Late-Bloomer
Even though I am a sex and dating writer, I'll be honest with you: I haven't actually had sex with a ton of different partners. In fact, everyone I have ever seriously dated has had sex with way, way more people than I have. In the past, it made me feel really, really insecure.
And I can understand why it still would, even though I am in my late-20s. The sex positivity movement and even hookup culture can be amazing for people who are already secure in their bodies and in their sex lives. For people who are more reserved, however, sex positivity can feel alienating — particularly if your partner is rather promiscuous and you went years without sex before meeting them.
If you are seeing someone who has had sex with fewer people than you have, it's important not to fetishize their experience. Innocence has nothing to do with how much sex a person has had. It's not the Middle Ages anymore. Virginity is not a currency. It sounds gross to spell it out, but I have definitely had older partners treat me like some kind of object seeking a deflowering, rather than a mature, fully capable adult.
Another thing: You are not your partner's teacher unless they have explicitly asked you to fill that role.
If you are the less sexually experienced partner, then it is important not to treat your partners' previous history like it's a reflection of character. Plus, if they are with you, then their past doesn't really influence the relationship all that much. They are with you now, not their previous partners.
If you can be respectful of your partner's previous history, then your relationship can last despite your different approaches to sex. You will probably even find that both of you have a lot to learn from one another's bodies.
Part of the amazing thing about dating and falling in love is the process of recognizing a bit of yourself in someone who is completely different than you are. You and your partner can be different in some major aspects of your life, and still, your relationship can last.
I guess it just depends on whether or not you can see your differences as interesting additions to your relationship, rather than divisions.
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