Will My Relationship Last Forever? It Won't If These 3 Things Are Missing From It
Although there are about a million different resources out there with signs that a relationship will last, you never really know where a connection is going when you first meet somebody. I've started out as friends with people and later became lovers. I've had friends whose hookups became their husbands.
There is no crystal ball for any relationship. If you came here because you were wondering, "Will my relationship last forever?" the most honest answer I can give you is I don't know. From personal experience, though, I have seen a few indicators that show when a relationship isn't meant to be long-term. What it boils down to is a person being unable to give the other person what they need -- they lack whatever it takes to fill in what is missing in a relationship.
Like holes in the hull of a boat, without these three fundamental qualities, chances are, the person you are seeing is only meant to be here for a short-term fling.
1. You Can't Deal With The Hard Stuff
I'm all for being as positive and uplifted as possible, but let's be real: Life is sh*t sometimes. If your partner expects you to be sunshine and rainbows all of the time, then the relationship is not going to last.
The early days of dating feel a bit like auditioning for a role. You're not going to mention all of your negative employment experiences in a job interview, and you're probably not going to bring up all of the baggage from your past within the first few weeks of dating.
And while it might be easy to leave that past behind you when you first meet someone, the thing about baggage is that it always circles back around to get you again. The same issues you have will rear their head again and again throughout your lifetime. If your partner can't help you handle that, then things aren't going to last.
Because if they are unable to deal with the hard realities of the present, then think about all the even larger obstacles you might face together down the line. I mean, if a sign of a successful relationship is that you're together until one of you dies, that's a whole lot of hardship to confront, am I right?
Your partner should not expect you to be all upbeat all of the time, and if they do, then they're probably not expecting this relationship will last.
2. A Complete Connection
A lasting relationship is equal parts sexual connection, intellectual connection, and emotional connection. Sometimes, the scales might tip and the balance between these three aspects might be off, but one area should never be neglected for another.
Casually dating a few different people has made this distinction more clear than it was for me in previous relationships. I used to always think that a sexual relationship could turn into a committed partnership or that an emotional connection could turn into a sexual one. Not so!
If a guy hits me up on Tinder and is hardcore trying to hook up, I may or may not be interested in sleeping with him, but I definitely know that if we do have sex, our connection will probably stay only physical — particularly if we leap into bed right away.
Perhaps because of my sparkling online personality, I've also had a few strong emotional connections through Tinder now. And while I immediately feel a sexual attraction to some people, even through the internet, I can also tell when we would actually be better friends than lovers. I'm also secure enough now to know that's just as real as a romantic partnership.
There are different people in your life for different reasons, and it's kind of rare to find one who can meet all three areas for you. If you are only connecting in one area or two and you're wondering if the relationship will last, it's probably because you're already feeling a void.
3. Desires For The Future
If you are wondering whether your relationship will last forever, then you probably already have some sort of a future in mind. Not everyone actually approaches relationships this way. Some folks prefer to float along and "see where it goes."
I was all for "seeing where it goes" when I was younger -- or at least, I pretended to be -- because knowing what you wanted somehow got conflated with being a desperate cling-on in the age of hooking up and casual sex. Now that I have all but stopped caring what other people think of me, I find it's actually really freeing to be clear about what you want out of a relationship.
Is this just sex? That's great! Now, I don't have to "see where it goes," because I know it's going to stay in the bedroom. Are we both mutually interested in seeing whether we can be compatible together as a more significant relationship? Awesome, then we are testing each other out as potential partners.
If your partner is totally ambivalent about the future, wishy-washy about making plans, and reluctant to commit because they think it's better to keep their options open, then that means they don't know what they want. Honestly, I've dated way too many people who aren't willing to budge out of the grey no-man's-land of non-commitment, and it's a waste of time.
If the person you are seeing isn't clear about their intentions, while you know what you want out of a relationship, then you both are probably in two completely different places. The connection you are feeling is real, but the potential for it to turn into a lasting relationship isn't there.
Once you take the relationship for what it is, you can figure out what you need to learn from it, and move on to find one that will last.
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