4 Ways Your Emotional Baggage Hurts Your New Partner More Than You

by Andrea Fisher

Why do we bring past baggage into new relationships? Why do we allow our past to define us and drag us down in the worst ways possible?

It’s easier for us to hold on to what we’ve always known and been through, than to let go and allow our present and future to be better than our past ever was.

Too often, we get caught up in the blame game. We blame new lovers for things old lovers said and did. We project old patterns and habits onto the fresh and new because it’s common nature for us.

When we get stuck in a routine, we walk through the revolving door without allowing ourselves to get out.

What we fail to realize, however, is that by bringing old and unnecessary emotional baggage into a new relationship, we’re burying past pains and hurt deeper inside of us.

We are failing to pull the root out of the ground, and we are definitely not allowing the new to blossom. When you allow old baggage from a past relationship into a new relationship, it’s not only hurting yourself; it’s also hurting the other person.

I’m not responsible for your past, only your present.

We can’t control what your ex said or did.

We can’t be grouped into the same category as every person you’ve ever been with. Chances are, we would never even consider for a second what they’ve done to you.

By allowing baggage into your new relationship, you’re allowing us to be hurt by something we never actually said or did.

Scars can only heal if you allow them to.

Our fights are never really “our fights” because they’re reflected in the past.

One small thing quickly spirals into several bigger things.

Our fights don’t make sense because they're reflected in the past. You are more vulnerable to getting hurt because you’re holding on to the baggage of the past.

We’re more susceptible to being hurt because your emotional baggage is dragging us down. We think something is wrong with us, but what we fail to realize is the actions are reflected directly (and only) in the past.

By bringing in baggage, you are not allowing us to share the future we deserve.

It’s easy for us to compare the present to the past. It’s easy for us to be discouraged because of the pain and difficulties we have had to go through.

The true battle is fighting through all the pain and releasing it, so we can have a better future together.

Everything happens for a reason. If you allow the baggage to drag both of us down, you are not allowing us to share the future we truly deserve.

We constantly feel like we have to prove ourselves.

We feel like we have to do everything in our power to prove to you that we are different; to prove we are not your past; to prove we always put you first, and we would never jeopardize our relationship no matter what.

There comes a time, though, after which we shouldn’t have to prove ourselves anymore; when the trust, confidence and faith should outweigh any insecurity or baggage brought in from the past.

If you don’t allow yourself to leave the baggage at the door, you are preventing yourself from living a better present and, more importantly, a better future.

Your baggage is so deep within you, it’s starting to reflect onto us. It’s not hurting you; it’s essentially hurting us.

The longer something is buried and rooted within you, the harder it is to get out. Do yourself a favor and leave your baggage at the door, before it destroys something or someone you could’ve never imagined life without.