You and this guy have been on, like, four dates. It's not enough to merit a whole sit-down breakup deal, but you can't really just casually stop talking to him, either.
Basically, at this point, you owe him something a little less than a real bonafide breakup and a little more than a ghost.
You owe him something a little less than a breakup and a little more than a ghost.
I like to think of it as a casual breakup.
So how do you go about that? Easy. You tell him you're done and you give a short reason why.
Tell him you're done and you give a short reason why.
The "telling him you're done" part is easy and self-explanatory. You say just any variation of "I can't do this anymore" via text, phone call, or in-person conversation (yikes).
It's the "reason why" part of the process that gets a little tricky. But that's the most important part of it all!
That's the part that saves the person from going crazy over-analyzing the cumulative 10 hours you spent together and trying to figure out what in the world he did wrong. You can't ditch that part.
So I made a list of 12 perfectly valid "reasons why" to go along with the "I can't do this" portion of your breakup.
I'm not a big fan of lying; I think it's bad karma. But odds are, if you're not interested in this guy, ONE of these reasons will be a pretty solid explanation for why you need to break up with him. And none of them are really that offensive.
Pick the one that most relates to you and tell him that is why you've got to move on. I promise it's way nicer than blowing him off without any explanation.
1. Tell him you're getting back together with your ex.
Maybe you guys aren't fully getting back together, but you're talking again and it's just too confusing for you to have this third party involved. Just be HONEST about it.
He might be frustrated at first, but eventually he'll feel better knowing the reason you ended things wasn't anything he did.
2. Tell him you've been super busy at work.
Of course, if you really liked him, you'd find a way to make him a priority despite your busy work schedule. But maybe the fact of the matter is you choose work over him at this point in your life. Just TELL him that.
He'll read between the lines to figure out what that means in terms of your feelings for him.
3. Tell him you've met someone new.
Obviously, this one's tough to admit to someone who might have been only interested in you. But you need to be clear about the fact that although you like him and enjoyed the time you spent together, this new guy is a better fit for you.
It's just human nature. Nothing personal.
4. Tell him you need to focus on yourself right now.
Maybe you just got out of a relationship. Maybe you just went through some sort of personal trauma. Maybe you just feel like you've totally lost touch with yourself.
The fact of the matter is you want to do you for now, and being in a relationship is obviously going to get in the way of that.
Tell him that! I promise it doesn't make you sound selfish.
5. Tell him you aren't ready to get serious with anyone right now.
WARNING: This has a strong chance of making a guy who was already pretty into you fall head over heels in love with you. It also doesn't completely shut the door on him as it leaves room for a more casual relationship.
But, if what you're looking for is more time to date around and see whom you're into, this excuse could be the nicest way to do it without blatantly saying, "You're not enough."
6. Tell him you need more time to get over your ex.
Nobody wants to be with someone who's still in love with someone else. Furthermore, most people can relate to what it feels like to have a hard time getting over someone.
So just be honest! Not only will he understand, but he'll be happy you told him.
7. Tell him you've got a lot going on in your life right now.
Maybe it's not just work or your ex or your family. Maybe it's EVERYTHING.
If you have a ton on your plate right now, it's perfectly valid for you to not have room for a relationship on top of everything else.
But don't just leave this guy twisting in the wind while you figure out your life. Tell him you're busy and just don't have the time to give him the attention he deserves.
8. Tell him you want to focus on your friends for now.
You could be at a point in your life when you want to prioritize your friendships, and that's TOTALLY FINE.
I had a guy once tell me he couldn't have anything serious because, for now, his friends came first. And you know what? I respected it.
9. Tell him you don't think you're the right person for him.
Sometimes you just don't totally click with someone. And, odds are, if he's not the right fit for you, you're also not the right fit for him.
Saying that you don't think you're right for him is basically a nicer (and still valid) way of saying you don't think he's right for you.
10. Tell him you see this more as a friendship.
As far as being nice goes, this is probably the meanest.
Sure, friendship sounds nice in theory because you like this person and you want to be friends with him! But put yourself in his shoes. Do you really want someone telling you they like your personality, but they're essentially not attracted enough to you to want anything more?!
No. That sucks.
So if you're doing this, make sure you let him know that you understand if he doesn't want to be friends.
As much as it sucks, the fact of the matter is it's the truth.
And at least you're giving him the comfort of knowing his personality rocks?
11. Tell him you like him, but you're just not in the headspace to date right now.
Maybe you're going through that thing where liking this guy is making you feel like a total psychopath. Every interaction with him is driving you absolutely insane, and you're not sure if you're totally done with him, but you are sure you need a break from this emotional roller coaster. TELL HIM.
First of all, it's flattering that you liked him so much that it's driven you crazy. You're literally crazy about him. Who could be mad about that?
Second, it's not like you're totally ending things; you're just saying you want to take a little break to get back in the right headspace.
12. Tell him you don't like him and explain to him why not.
This one's a little harder to muster up the courage to do, but I'd say it's arguably the nicest way out of them all.
If the reason you're over it is something he did and not something on your end, be straight up with him. Give him some constructive criticism. Let him know you didn't like how he handled meeting your friends for the first time, so next time he meets a girl's friends for the first time, he'll know to be a little more friendly.
Or let him know you felt like he was too aggressive, so next time he'll know to be a little more laid back.
Whatever the problem is, identify it and let him know it was big enough to be a deal breaker for you.