Few things are more annoying than when someone flakes out on plans. And if you’re crushing on someone who’s flaky (meaning they habitually blow you off, disappear, and keep you waiting), then you probably know all too well how annoying a flaky guy and girl can be. Sadly, I can’t say whether or not an unreliable person will ever change their behavior, but I do know there are signs your crush is flaky, and if you catch them before you catch feelings, then you can save yourself a whole lot of frustration.
According to Susan Winter — NYC relationship expert, love coach, and author of Breakup Triage: The Cure for Heartache — flaking is usually a sign someone doesn’t consider you a priority in their life. "Some individuals don't take social commitments seriously, and this is a red flag," she previously told Elite Daily. And while unexpected emergencies do crop up now and then, Winter said, "There's only one reason for flaking on a date — you're not important to your date.” If you suspect that cutie you’re crushing on isn’t making you a priority — and is, in fact, just straight-up unreliable — then you’ll notice these telling signs.
They Take Forever To Reply To Texts
It’s easy to open up a text and then forget all about it until hours later. It’s also easy to accidentally leave your phone at home, or let your phone battery die, or fall asleep before replying to a text, or claim you “didn’t see their message.” But as online dating expert Julie Spira previously pointed out, forgetfulness isn’t the issue when this becomes a frequent occurrence with your crush. “If the excuse of not seeing your text message becomes a repeated theme, it’s because you’re low on the totem pole,” she said. No matter what excuses there may be, one fact usually remains true: The longer the lag, the less that person likely values the conversation.
They Cancel Plans At The Last Minute
When you make plans with your crush, is there a little part of you that’s nervous because you know at any minute they may cancel on you (mostly because they’ve done it several times before?). Relationship expert and matchmaker Alessandra Conti of Matchmakers in the City said that’s a major sign your crush isn’t all that interested. “I always ask… is a certain behavior a fluke or a flaw? A fluke is something that happens rarely, while a flaw is a repeated behavior,” she previously explained. “If a person is consistently canceling plans with you because of work, family, or friends, even if they have a good excuse for the cancellations, you are clearly not their priority.”
They’re Always Late
Even if a flaky person does keep plans, you’ll probably notice they’re almost always running late. Again, while emergencies can and do happen, someone who is constantly tardy doesn’t respect your time — or, unfortunately, you. According to Elle Huerta, CEO and founder of the breakup app Mend, if you ask a date why they’re running late and “they don't respond with an update or explanation immediately,” then it’s very possible they’re a flake. “Emergencies happen from time to time, but if they get back to you with anything but an over-the-top sincere apology and plan to make it up to you, you have dodged a major bullet and it's worth celebrating,” she added.
They Never Follow Through
Does your crush often make empty promises when it comes to the future? Someone who exhibits flaky behavior will often talk about the grand plans they have for the two of you — like taking you sailing on a boat or out to dinner at a five-star restaurant — only to never actually follow through with them. “If you are dating someone who talks about the future, makes exciting plans with you, and then doesn't follow through to actually put those plans into action, [they have] other priorities that are taking their attention away from you,” Conti previously warned.
They’re Vague About The Future
Flaky people don’t just cancel, reschedule, and show up late to plans — they sometimes avoid making them all together. When you're not a priority, this is often how someone will behave, according to Pricilla Martinez, a life coach at Blush Online Life Coaching. “They purposely end up leaving things pretty open and vague, but anyone who's interested [in commitment] will make the plans, and will talk about the future in more than just the next weekend," she previously explained.
While people exhibit flaky behavior for a number of reasons, it's usually a sign they’re avoiding something — and that something could perhaps be a relationship with you. "Avoidant types have trouble solidifying plans," Julia Armet, head of matchmaking at Tawkify, previously told Elite Daily. "Interestingly, you'll also see the same 'postponement' mentality in people who have commitment issues. That can emerge deeper into relationships. Odds would say for these types: they'll flake on you."
You may think you can get a flaky person to commit if you try hard enough, but chances are, they’ll just end up disappointing you. If you suspect your crush is flaky, then it’s probs better to cut them loose now rather than later.
Julie Spira, online dating expert
Alessandra Conti, relationship expert and matchmaker for Matchmakers in the City
Elle Huerta, CEO and founder of Mend
Pricilla Martinez, life coach at Blush Online Life Coaching
Julia Armet, head of matchmaking at Tawkify
Editor's Note: This story has been updated by Elite Daily staff.
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