I'd like to start by confessing something: I'm a flake. Well, sometimes I am. I will pull the "I'm tired, still up for dinner?" which in millennial-speak translates to "can we not?" fade on friend hours before dinner. I'll flake on my yoga class (as long as its within the cancellation window). I even used to be OK with flaking on a date — especially if he was a stranger from an app I hadn't met IRL. (I've changed!) The signs your date is going to cancel on you are all things that I myself have signaled at one point or another... Oops.
That is until I started dating more aggressively in New York. I cohost a podcast called "51 First Dates" in which I go on dates with the encouragement of my best friend and cohost, Liza. The goal of the podcast is to help me break some bad dating habits, and generally just start understanding more about myself in romantic relationships.
We talk about the dates anonymously and kindly, and read our listeners worst dates. We also record weekly. This means I'm going on one date per week. I can no longer cancel on my dates, and I definitely lose my mind if they cancel on me — WTF do I talk about?! (I'm aware of how self-involved this sounds. I should never have been cancelling on dates to begin with.)
Here's the thing: Flaking on a date is easier than ever, which also makes it more annoying than ever. If you can so easily swipe my face on your phone and text me to ask me out, then you should be able to easily text me to cancel our date with a decent amount of notice (I'd say at least 12 hours, if not 24).
True, your date could genuinely have to leave town for a last-minute work trip, but sometimes there's more to a flake. First dates can be uncomfortable, and people usually want to avoid things that make them feel even a drop of nerves. I think that I used to cancel dates out of fear, plain and simple. I spoke to Julia Armet, Head of Matchmaking at Tawkify, about common signs someone is going to flake on a date, and why they might do so.