Falling in love is hard, and finding someone who you really connect with is even harder. You may have already experienced a very awkward first date, where you're already thinking about how to dodge the second one. Or, you had a friend set you up and it really just did not work out. But, that doesn't mean you should sign off on dating forever. You're out there looking for Prince Charming, and going on all kinds of dates, which is totally normal. Odds are, you'll have to cancel a few just because life happens, and in those moments, it's good to know
how to cancel a date over text. You'll have to kiss a lot of frogs before finding "the one," but it doesn't have to be as painful as you may believe.
Truth is, if you're feeling bad about canceling a date, you're not alone. As much as it's truly the worst to be rejected, it also is
so uncomfortable to be the one doing the rejecting. You don't want to hurt the other person's feelings, although it sort of feels like you're swiping left in real life. And if there's a real reason as to why you have to take a rain check, you want them to know that, too. In that scenario, you're still really interested, and really don't want to ruffle any feathers. So, that's where you need some texting tips.
Elite Daily reached out to
Anita Chlipala, licensed marriage and family therapist and author of for her advice on how to cancel a date over text. The situation could be as simple as not liking their personality, or wanting something else. Here's what she says you should do. First Comes Us: The Busy Couple's Guide to Lasting Love, 01
"I'm sorry, but I can't make it because _______. I still want to get together. How does ______ day or ______ day work for you?"
This text is perfect for when you're still interested in going on the date, but something really did come up last-minute. You don't
want to have to cancel, but life happens all the time. Maybe you forgot about a family event, or your best friend really needs you to be there for her. Whatever the reason may be, you'll want to make sure you share it with your date, so they know you're not trying to simply flake.
According to Chlipala, by offering up other times to get together, you're showing that there's still a lot of interest there. "The point is, a guy won't know if something really came up or if you're a flake," she tells Elite Daily. "So give him two days that work for you and don't cancel."
Canceling all together would essentially mean you'd never really meet up, or maybe send the potential special someone all the wrong signals.
"So sorry, and you might think me terribly rude for canceling last minute, but ______, so I can't make it. Drinks on me next week. When are you free?"
If an apology doesn't seem quite like enough, you'll want to try and make it up to the person when you do get together. This makes the blow a little bit easier to bear. Again, you should try and set up another time right away, so that your date knows the interest is still very much there, and maybe offer to pay for a round of drinks.
You shouldn't feel like you owe them the world, but you also don't want to be inconsiderate. Canceling is an inconvenience, after all, especially if this person was really looking forward to spending some time with you. Meet them in the middle, and find something else to look forward to in the near future.
"[You] can make it up to him/her in a small way when [you] actually meet up," Chlipala explains. This way, there should be no hard feelings, assuming you follow through.
"I've been thinking about this and don't feel comfortable meeting someone on a blind date."
Blind dates might not totally be in style anymore, but a text like this could be perfect for when you're planning on meeting an online dating match and you get nervous. Online dating has seriously added a whole new level to the dating playing field. You might not feel comfortable when you're getting ready to meet this person for real. In this scenario, being honest, like you would canceling any other kind of date, should keep all the right feels in place.
"I don't think it's different than canceling any other date, unless it being a blind date freaks [you] out," Chlipala tells Elite Daily. "Though I'm pretty sure the guy will send you his Instagram, so you can check out his photos." If he doesn't send it to you, there's no harm in asking for it, either.
Odds are, you will know exactly what you're in for in advance, but it's always best to do what feels right to you.
"I had a nice time, but didn't feel a connection."
If you've already made it past the (potentially awkward) first date, and are trying to cancel on the second time around, you might want to consider sending a very blunt text like this one. It's very possible that you had an amazing time, but there just wasn't that spark or any foot-popping moments like there are in
The Princess Diaries. Maybe you didn't have a great time, and it was actually the worst date in the world. Even in that case, you want to acknowledge and appreciate the other person spending their time with you.
Chlipala says that this experience isn't one-of-a-kind by any means. You may have gone on a date where you just couldn't see a future from the minute you sat down, and making conversation felt sort of uncomfortable. Chlipala suggests that in this situation, you tell the person how you really feel, so that they don't have to decode your signals.
It's true. There are a lot of frogs out there, and you'll likely come across plenty of people who don't have you feeling fireworks. Always be honest with yourself and the other person, because you really don't want to lead them on. Even so, according to Chlipala, you can keep the text as simple as this.
"I had a nice time, but I'd like to just stay friends."
Sometimes, friendships turn into something more. When you've already built such a solid foundation with someone, it's easy to catch some feels along the way. Maybe you start seeing them in a different way, or you both have decided that you'll give dating a try. Finding a balance between your feelings and friendship is always the hardest part. If you're looking to cancel a date with a friend, you'll want to remember that the rejection is still real, even if it may come with less of a blow.
"People who are friends are more likely to give the other person the benefit of the doubt," Chlipala tells Elite Daily. "When you are strangers, people take the rejection more personally."
According to Chlipala, being considerate and to the point is key when it comes to rejection. You and your friend have a history outside of casually dating, so you don't need to dwell on the bad feelings. Be sure to find that common ground again to avoid anything awkward.
We've all probably been on the other side of the screen at one point or another. We know what it feels like to get the text that says, "Let's just be friends." So, when you're texting someone to cancel a date, and not just reschedule, you'll want to stay sweet. "Being rejected sucks," Chlipala says. "So when you do it, be nice about it."
That golden rule you learned in kindergarten actually applies in the real world of relationships: Treat others how you would want to be treated. Let the other person down smoothly, and don't ever lead them on. Sometimes that can feel worse in the long run, because they actually believed there was a chance, when you knew all along there wasn't.
You should always stay true to yourself, but snarky comments never lead to anything good. If the other person's being rude and mean back to you, then be the bigger person and just back off.
Whether you want to cancel a date, or something came up and you can't make it, make sure the reason is real. Being flaky
can feel like the easy route, but it doesn't make you the bigger person.
"[You] should have a good reason to cancel a date last-minute, because otherwise, that's just rude and inconsiderate," Chlipala advises. Seriously, just don't do it.
If you find yourself in a position that feels a little flaky, try to figure out the real reason behind why you're dodging the date. Sometimes our nerves get the best of us, and maybe you just need to actually see this person to remember why you were interested in the first place. Other times, you just might not be into it at all. In that case,
honesty is your best policy, as well.
Dating isn't easy, and it can be hard to know what you want out of your soulmate until you realize what you really don't like in other people. Canceling a date over text, though, doesn't have to be so daunting.