These are just some of the regular phrases you find yourself uttering to your BFF while out at the bar. It seems the older you get, the less tolerance you have for basically every single person you encounter.
Ew, are we getting old? What happened to us? Have we surpassed our prime? Sadly, this may actually be the case, too bad we don't want to admit that and we continue living our lives as if we were still in college.
So we ignore our bodies that definitely require more sleep and hit the bar. Why? So we can complain about the following...
1. The fact that no one is hitting on you
Why did you waste hours upon hours showering, putting on a full face of makeup and trying on and rejecting seven outfits? To look good for ourselves? Psh, okay keep telling yourself that.
2. How the average age of girls in this bar is 19
No wonder no one is hitting on us! There are half naked teenagers running around in here! This is bullsh*t... where's the bouncer?
3. The fact that only creeps are speaking to you
I'm not sure which is worse: no one speaking to you or a creep hitting on you. Can these guys not pick up on the fact that you are clearly rejecting their advances? Whatever, at least you can get a free drink out of the whole ordeal.
4. Wanting to leave but staying around for a socially acceptable amount of time
YES KAREN! You have never said anything smarter in your entire life, unfortunately, it's a bit odd to dip out of the bar after arriving only 20 minutes ago.
5. The fact that the music is making your ears bleed
Is this how our parents felt when we would try and take over the car radio? OMG! Are we old? F*ck, we are.
6. The f*cking DJ won't let you in the booth
I just want to hear some Ashanti and Ja Rule! Sir, is that so much to ask for?! I don't care how many ridiculous requests you get on the reg, Ja Rule is a legend and your current music selection needs some drastic assistance.
7. How two shots of fireball and a vodka soda amount to over $32
Wait... what? Two shots of fireball at this bar will cost me what an entire bottle would cost at the liquor store? How does that make any f*cking sense? No, of course, I will still get them, but I won't be happy about it...
8. How badly your feet are killing you
Whoever's sick and twisted idea it was to make high heels standard protocol for the night scene — I hate you, and so does every other female out there.
9. The fact that your once perfectly straight hair is now an afro
Well, this sucks, I don't even know why I bothered washing, blow drying and straightening my hair if this was just going to be the result. No wonder only creepers are speaking to me.
10. The guy at the club who is clearly smoking a blunt and not offering it to you
RUDE. We can all smell it, just pass it over here, buddy.
11. How pissed you are that one of the 19-year-olds spilled vodka cranberry on your brand new white top
So if someone spills her drink on you, does that mean you can spill yours back? Actually F that, this cost me around $13 and now I have to pay for dry cleaning.
12. How much you want need pizza
"I just, I can't, I need to get out of here... I'm starving... fine, we can stay a little longer, but you better promise me we are getting pizza immediately."
13. How badly you have to pee
It doesn't matter if breaking the seal is a myth or not; it's more than real to you. So when you've got to go, you've GOT TO GO.
14. The fact that some other girl is wearing the same outfit as you
I'm glad I dropped my life savings on this getup just to find someone else in the bar wearing the same f*cking thing. This would happen...
15. What the f*ck you are supposed to do with your jacket
Why is coat check over $4? And why is this line longer than the line to get into the actual club?
16. How long the bathroom line is
The power ranking of lines at a bar: The line to get in, the coat check line, then the bathroom line.
You think you're in the clear after surviving the ridiculous line to get into the bar, but, in reality, the battle isn't even half over.
17. The fact that the bathroom attendant won't let you both in the bathroom at the same time
Listen lady, I haven't done a damn squat since 2008, I'm not sure how you expect me to go to the bathroom without the assistance of my friend.
18. How half of the stalls are being used for anything other than actually going to the bathroom
You actually have to pee, but the three people occupying half of the stalls for illicit means don't really seem to care about your emergency. Whatever, hopefully karma will take care of that issue for you.
19. Whatever that sticky substance is that is gluing your shoes to the ground
I'm not even sure I want to know what this matter is.
20. How f*cked up your makeup is from sweating
Well, that was a glorious waste of time, effort and eyeliner...
21. The fact that you have run into not one, not two, but over three people you didn't want to speak to
Cue the bathroom emergency line and RUN.
22. How it's essentially a sauna in here
It doesn't matter if it's the dead of winter, you would think it was July based on the temperature in this bar, which brings us to...
23. The fact that it is so crowded you can barely move, making it even hotter
The lack of breathing room and moving space is your own personal hell. People you don't even know are rubbing up on you and making you uncomfortable. The only solution is to keep drinking, except...
24. The bartender is ignoring you
Well f*ck me man, how am I supposed to tolerate all this bullsh*t without a drink in my hand? The bar line is three people deep...
25. PD-F*cking-A everywhere
You would think these types of people would want to go home and get a room, but apparently they prefer the thrill of doing it in public? I don't understand...
26. Your drink is most definitely watered down
Well, you finally made it up to the bar and spent half your paycheck on drinks. You grab your drink and retreat to whatever designated corner of the bar you came from. Too bad that as soon as you take your first sip, you realize it tastes exactly like water.
27. How you are way too sober for any of this sh*t
The buzz kill to kill all buzzes. There is nothing more infuriating than realizing that after $50 at the bar, two hours of getting ready, pregaming and trucking to the actual bar... you are still sober.
At this point, your night either goes one of two ways: you throw in the towel and head home or you drop another $50 on shots, black out and wake up next to your BFF b*tching about these things.
Photo Courtesy: We Heart It