I've said it once, I've said it twice and now I'll say it again: I hate showering. I hate being cold and naked, I hate watching the water around me turn black because of the 10 pounds of mascara I use and I hate having to dry off before I can get dressed again.
The shower is my own personal hell and one I, unfortunately, have to come into contact with on a daily basis. It really isn't the shower itself that's the issue, but the consequences of it, which include the process of hair washing and the styling afterwards.
Body showers are obviously a girl's best friend, but as every female knows, they leave your hair feeling dried out and flat. Showering is a pain in the ass and never really seems to take place at a convenient time.
Every time the dreaded shower seems like a necessity, we ask ourselves a ton of ridiculous questions that shape and form our shower schedules.
Questions? How many questions can a girl have when it comes to the shower? Well you may be surprised...
1. Is it really greasy or can I get away with it for one more day?
This is perhaps the number 1 question all girls ask themselves as they contemplate washing their hair. No girl enjoys doing her hair and if she says otherwise she's either a liar or is paying someone else to do it for her. We want to take full advantage of our washed hair and milk it for days on days on days.
2. When was the last time I actually washed it?
We usually just ask ourselves this question to amuse ourselves. We don't really care how long it's been since we actually washed it, as long as it's not greasy. Sometimes we like to compete with our other girlfriends and see how long we can go without washing our hair.
You know you really made it when your Friday night hair washing successfully makes it into the office come Monday morning.
3. Should I wash it or wear a hat?
Is this really a question? If you are feeling lazy and don't want to wash your hair, a hat is always an option. I mean isn't this why hats and headbands were invented? To assist lazy females with their hair washing struggles?
4. Did I sweat today?
If you didn't sweat, do you even need to wash your hair? Absolutely not! I mean, you wouldn't fix something that wasn't broken, right? Exactly...
5. Will I sweat tomorrow?
If you are questioning washing your hair, you are clearly going to take the following day's activities into consideration. If you know you are going to be engaging in some heavy physical activity, it only makes sense to wait until after that to wash your hair. Some may call this a rationalization, others choose to call this planning ahead.
6. Is it going to rain?
Rain is a huge determinant of hair washing. Why, you ask? Because rain equals frizz and ain't nobody got time for that.
Your best bet is to just let whatever grease is in your hair chill there until the rain is over. It will help you fight frizz and also serve as a great excuse not to wash your hair.
7. Will I see anyone I know afterwards?
Who cares if you are having a good hair day if no one is there to witness it? If you have no intentions of seeing anyone and plan to spend your entire day cooped up inside, why would you even feel the need to wash it? I mean, no girl washes her own hair for herself anyway.
8. Should I just wash it in the morning?
This is a line we like to feed ourselves as we lie exhausted in our beds after a long day at work. We convince ourselves after another episode on Netflix that we will finally drag our asses into the shower.
Well, four episodes later, we are still trying to talk ourselves into showering, which only results in the inevitable question: Should I just do it in the morning?
9. Are ponytails acceptable?
Well thanks to Regina George, you can only resort to this hairstyle once per week. She probably caught on to the fact that The Plastics were using this as an excuse not to wash their hair and, of course, she was not standing for that.
Ponytails are a last resort when it comes to avoiding hair washing because no one likes that slick back look that only results in grease bumps.
10. Is this hair wash worth the remainder of my conditioner?
Ugh, that awful moment when you realize you only have enough conditioner left for one hair wash. You know you need that valuable stuff for the weekend, so you try and stretch out the hair-washing process for as long as possible.
Of course, you could just run over to the nearest convenience store, but it's always too late when you realize this.
11. Should I sleep for 10 more minutes or take a shower?
Ah, the battle between the morning shower and sleeping for just a little bit longer. I'm not sure why we think we will ever cut our sleep short to shower because it's sleep that always comes out as the winner.
Do yourself a favor and figure out how to make a braid because that is the only thing that's going to save you on this morning.
12. Is this hair wash worth damaging my hair more with heated products?
This is another question we ask ourselves to prolong washing our hair. We know we need to blow dry our hair afterwards, but it's the last thing we feel like doing after a long day. The compromise? Going to bed with a wet head and attacking it in the morning.
13. Should I just get a blowout?
Laziness takes a new form when you debate going to get a blowout. You know you need to wash your hair, but it's really the last thing you feel like doing at this point in time. At least if you do opt for this, it won't cost you too much if you find a cheap walk-in salon.
14. Is it going to get wet?
If you are heading to the pool or beach that day, do you really need to wash your hair? Isn't it a waste of time if it's going to get wet anyway? Well, no, since you can't just show up with a grease blob sitting on top of your head before it may get wet.
15. Is it that time of the month... when you have to wash the extensions, too?
Of course, this doesn't apply to everyone, but for those of you it does, you know that the struggle is real. The first weeks, your new extensions are nice, soft and sleek, but after a month passes, they are filled with knots.
This is nothing that a good hair washing can't fix, but the process of blow-drying extensions is a solid 40 minute commitment.
16. Could I just wash my bangs and get away with it?
Good luck trying this method because it will, always, without a doubt, blow up in your face. Instead of wasting time doing this, you probably should just suck it up and take a shower or opt for a hat (#3).