Last night, I was at the historic gay mecca, the Stonewall Inn, watching the results of the election and throwing back tequila like I was going to the electric chair.
Aka, freaking the hell out.
As the night unfolded, all of my deepest fears came into fruition. It felt like I was tossing, turning and drifting in and out of a sweaty nightmare.
As each state turned red, it became apparent this was no bad dream. It was real life.
"You moving back to England?" people kept asking me as the night looked increasingly grim.
"Hell no." My knee-jerk response was as firm as ever. "I will not be bullied out of this country."
These friends weren't talking about me recklessly immigrating to a new country, like everyone on Facebook keeps threatening to do.
I have dual citizenship in the US and in the UK, so I could easily tie up my black Doc Martins and head back to England — avoiding the inevitable horror show of the next four years entirely.
I could do all the things I want to do without the looming stress of Trump trying to take those things away from me or tarnish them with hateful rhetoric.
Hell no, I will not be bullied out of this country.
In England, I could become a mother within the next year and have a baby without worrying that my future wife might not be allowed to be a legal guardian.
I would never have to worry about telling that baby that the vice president of the country believes you can actually "pray the gay away" and become straight with a terrible, dated, evil thing called "conversion therapy" (which is actually illegal in most states... unless Pence changes that, of course).
And if that baby is a girl (I've always dreamed of having a girl), I wouldn't have to explain to her that a sex offender — who has been accused of assaulting almost a dozen woman — is the president.
I wouldn't have to look into her sweet, baby eyes and tell her he also doesn't believe she should have agency over her body. Or any reproductive rights at all, for that matter.
I wouldn't have to explain what "grab them by the pussy" means, either, because that's not something little-girl ears should ever have to hear.
The fact that we're still having to battle old, white men to keep their laws off our bodies has taken a serious toll on my soul. And hey, abortion has been legal in England since 1967.
Abortion has been legal in England since 1967.
But you know what? I let boys bully me when I was in seventh grade, and once I got to high school, I vowed never to let a boy bully me ever again.
So I'm absolutely not going to let a grownup fuckboy like DONALD TRUMP scare me away.
That's what they want, and we don't give the bad guys what they want. They lead by intimidation and try to scare women like us away by threatening to strip us of our rights.
But we don't give up. We can't afford to give up.
First and foremost, we need to protect the young girls out there who risk feeling like all they have to offer to the world is their looks, when inside, they have such brilliance, wit and depth.
We need to protect the young girls who will develop eating disorders and hate themselves because their leader incessantly shames them for being "overweight," choosing to focus on the way they look rather than the job they're doing.
We need to protect the young girls who are going to think it's OK to be deemed a "piece of ass."
We need to protect the young women who are going to think most men have the impulse to rape women — the young women who could be raped but will be too afraid to come forward because our leader calls assault survivors "liars."
We don't give up. We can't afford to give up.
A future like that for innocent girls is too heartbreaking to wrap my brain around.
So I'm STAYING, bitches, whether or not Donald Trump wants to push my fierce, nasty, dyke-ass out.
I'm staying because I'm wildly committed to fighting for THE GIRLS, who need ferocious women like you and me to stay strong AF and challenge Trump and Pence every step of the way.
They need women who remember a time when our President was a classy gentleman who respected women, protected their reproductive freedom and gave them easy access to birth control.
They need women who remember what America really is, who will battle with every ounce of energy in their bones to preserve the integrity of America.
They need women to stay in America to show them we don't just GIVE UP when shit gets rough.
Nah, we put on our riot gear and take to the streets with our powerful voices because no man can ever silence us — not even the president.
They need women to create safe and nurturing environments, so if they ever do get harassed or assaulted, they have somewhere to go and know that we will believe them, support them and seek justice for them.
Just as our great female ancestors have, I will stay strong, educated and informed, and I will work tirelessly to ensure the future generation of women never feel undermined by a person in office again.