I'm in a dark depression today, and I know that most of the good people in the world are feeling the same despair I'm feeling now because it's so strong and palpable right now.
There is a heavy feeling of sadness sifting through the air. And there is a hopelessness in the eyes of American women that I've never seen before.
The closest way to describe it is a feeling of mourning and of loss. It's like a death.
And there was a death last night.
I will never make sense of Donald Trump being the president of the United States.
It feels like one of those particularly harrowing deaths, the kind that blow your mind because it could've been prevented.
It feels like when someone dies out of the blue. You can't make sense of it, you can't wrap your brain around it and you don't even want to. It feels disrespectful to the person's memory to try to make sense of it.
And I will never make sense of Donald Trump being the president of the United States.
With him as our president, the women of this country are suffering an epically huge loss of our integrity and the belief that we're safe and that the law is on our side.
Because now, our right to be free from objectification or harassment is gone.
That blanket I always took for granted has been taken away, and I'm left bare. That blanket covered me up and made me believe the person in charge will protect me against the bad guys.
However, we've now been stripped raw because our president-elect is the bad guy.
Donald Trump is the enemy I fear — the guy walking a little too closely behind me when I'm walking home alone in the dark. He's the guy I felt unsafe to be alone with when I was a kid. He's the guy who made me feel uncomfortable and objectified during auditions.
He's someone who made me feel like the only value I've ever had is in the way I look. He's the guy who stripped me of my self-esteem and stimulated my eating disorder because he made fun of women who didn't fit the media's definition of beauty.
Above all, he's the guy who touched a girl without her consent and got away with it. Our president is that guy.
And I don't feel safe anymore.
How is it even possible to feel safe as an American woman when the figurehead of our country is a sexual predator who objectifies, harasses, humiliates and assaults women and proceeds to dismiss his damaging behavior as "locker room" talk?
Americans have pledged their allegiance to a man who says a woman who can't "sexually satisfy" her husband shouldn't be a leader. That hurts.
Call me old-fashioned, but I always grew up believing the president of the United States was a role model. It's what I've been taught since I was a kid.
But the president-elect has claimed his star power gives him the right to grab women by the pussy because you can do anything to women if you're famous enough. That's the message we are sending to youth who innocently and blindly look up to the president.
How do we look our daughters in the eyes and explain to them that the president of the United States, their supposed "role model," is a person who's normalized rape?
How do we tell them he's a person who doesn't believe men can control the impulse to rape a woman?
We can't say we respect our daughters, and then vote for someone who thinks it's OK to call his own daughter a "piece of ass."
Women have lost the freedom to walk through the streets and feel like they can do anything. Like the world is their oyster. Like they have a voice that matters.
Donald Trump is a disgrace to our ancestors who've fought endlessly for the good of the country. He's an insult to the people who put everything on the line to ensure we had the right to vote.
And shame on all the people who contributed to this loss. I don't care if you think I'm being self-righteous or angry because I am rightfully both of those things right now.
And if you're not completely enraged and afraid for women at the moment, in all honesty, you're ignorant.
If you're not completely enraged and afraid for women at the moment, in all honesty, you're ignorant.
The loss women are feeling is huge today, and it should not be undermined. We need space to feel this loss and to grieve what's been taken from us.