It’s the most wonderful time of year.
Or, it's the time when you get a sh*t ton of holiday invitations. Really, you'd much prefer surfing Hulu and wearing sweatpants to ever leaving your apartment.
Unfortunately, you must eventually put on tights and leave the house. Get ready, because you’re about to face actual jolly people.
For every situation that pisses you off, there's a matching annoyed expression.
There's resting bitch face, which you get to exercise for 11 months of the year.
Holiday b*tch face, however, is a particular kind reserved for only the most tragic of festive occasions.
1. When every girl at the holiday party wears the same shade of red lipstick.
#Twinning. Actually, I’d much rather kill you all.
2. When it's SantaCon and you live above the hottest bar in town.
If I hear one more “ho, ho, ho,” I will start telling kids the truth about Santa.
3. When someone gets too excited about Mariah Carey’s "All I Want For Christmas Is You."
All I want for Christmas is for you to shut the f*ck up.
4. When you wake up covered in glitter from last night.
Glitter dies the most dramatic death.
5. When your office crush already has someone to kiss for New Year’s Eve.
Why did I bother even showing up to this thing?
6. When someone ransacked all the holiday-themed Oreos from your grocery store.
7. When someone complains about the Starbucks holiday cups.
There are bigger problems in the world.
8. When you splurge on your Secret Santa only to receive a f*cking mug from the person who drew your name.
9. When your job forces you to wear Santa hats in front of customers and clients.
Holiday cheer, my ass.
10. When someone dresses a puppy as Santa.
If there's someone more pissed about wearing an ugly Christmas sweater than you, it's Fido.
11. When Target has the longest line known to man and all you want to do is return a pair of socks.
Why is everyone in front of me returning half their home?
12. When you think it’s warm enough to go barelegged. Then, you step outside and practically die.
Is it even legal to be this cold?
13. When someone judges you for wearing Uggs to a party.
At least my feet are warm, unlike your cold, dead heart.
14. When you realize you need to buy another gift on Christmas Eve.
Well, there goes six hours of my life.
15. When your glitter roots turn into an all-glitter-everything situation.
At least you tried.
16. When you forget how non-holiday music sounds.
You mean, there was a time before Mariah, Ariana and Britney?
17. When it takes about three years to ship a gift.
Christmas guarantee, my ass.
18. When everyone and their mother gets engaged.
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And then proceeds to take engagement photos in the snow.
19. When the creepy guy from marketing tries to make you stand under the mistletoe with him.
“How did this get there? How weird!"
20. When it’s 50 degrees out on Christmas.
Where is the snow?
21. When someone gives you a super cheap gift card to a super expensive store.
What am I supposed to buy at Barney's for $20?
22. When your office holiday party is on a Tuesday and you're expected to come to work Wednesday.
23. When your mother thinks it's okay to invite your high school-era boyfriend to her holiday party.
Oh, this isn't awkward at all.