Man Sticks Penis Through Wedding Ring, And It Goes Horribly Wrong

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If someone were looking to really improve their sex life, I'd think that would involve trying out a spicier sex position, a more "dangerous" location or a brand new sex toy.

What that probably SHOULDN'T involve is using something that may cause your penis to turn the color of post-gum-chewing Violet Beauregarde in "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory."

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But I've come to learn that not all men share the same logic.

Some are actually like this 28-year-old South African man, who found it necessary to try and squeeze his schlong through his wedding ring for "erotic reasons"... only to discover that IT WAS A COMPLETELY TERRIBLE IDEA because it TURNED HIS PENIS BLUE.

Come on, man. Clearly, you were a little bit on the lazy side, but if you needed a cock ring that badly, a quick trip to the store for a $6 one would be much less expensive (and embarrassing) than your scarring visit to emergency room.

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The doctors of South African province Limpopo attempted — and failed — to remove the band with a teensy surgical saw, as they feared the saw would damage the man's throbbing, blue penis.

It was only after multiple syringe punctures and draining the excess blood that the swelling went down enough to bring his dick back from the dead.

As noted in The South African Medical Journal, "No proper guidelines exist for the treatment of this condition, so the 'best method' is the one with a successful outcome."

Did I mention he was escorted to the hospital by none other than his poor, poor mother?! SMH.

I'm not sure if it's relieving to know no man has been daring (or dumb) enough to set a precedent for jamming their penis through a tiny, metal ring (at least in South Africa).

In any case, hopefully, this will make guys rethink their actions when contemplating new ways to get off.

OK... so, I know at this point you're just DYING to see what his throbbing, blue penis actually looked like.

Make sure your co-workers aren't behind you, and peep the VERY NSFW photos below. Just try to keep your lunch down as best you can.

The South African Medical Journal

Citations: Doctors Remove Wedding Ring From Man's Penis (Huffington Post)