For the past few months, I have been on a journey to better myself. The main reason for this? To find love for the first time in my life. And the kicker? I turn 30 in just a few days. Now I know how Green Day felt when they said “Wake me up when September ends."
Avid readers of my articles know that I have long searched for romantic affection. And by avid readers, I know I'm just speaking about my mother -- hi mom. I've gone to kinky sex classes and professional cuddlers. This time, I tried something different.
I went to a dating coach. That's right, and not just any dating coach. I went to the one and only Hayley Quinn! Ms. Quinn has spent the last seven years helping people get ahead in the dating world.
Her philosophy is as simple as it's profound: “I want to evolve love away from 'he vs. she' to a model for love that's fairer, cooler and sexier.”
Here are just a few of the useful tips Hayley dished out:
1. Say What You Mean And Mean What You Say
Hayley wasted little time getting this point across. She asked where in my travels did I meet the most women. My answer: the stand up comedy circuit. I told her I always find myself attracted to women like me, who go up and perform. Why? Because you can't get any better than a funny woman.
Her advice: “You need to say that, seriously, you need to say that.” A confident and charming man is able to give a genuine compliment to a woman. We're not talking cheesy pickup lines here; a genuine compliment given with confidence goes a long way in making a man the type of guy a girl wants to date.
2. Get Out of Your Comfort Zone
Do you know why it's so hard to get out of the comfort zone? Because it's comfortable! Even if I know going out to meet women would be better for my over all love goals, staying in and watching "Dancing with the Stars" is usually more appealing.
If we want to better ourselves -- especially romantically -- we need to do things we have never thought of. For guys, Hayley recommended female-friendly places, such as yoga and dance class. I was skeptical, but Hayley assured me that these places are great venues to meet single women.
As she put it, “Everyone who goes to a dance class is single!”
3. Be Upfront, Not Creepy
This is probably my toughest obstacle to overcome, and it's mostly in my head. I have walked next to a woman many times only to see her immediate apprehension. This makes me feel bad, but I understand why the guard is up. This is the main reason why I have often refrained from pointing out romantic interest to women.
Hayley told me to stop. If you are trying to be a woman's boyfriend, don't pretend you want to be her friend. If a woman asks “Are you flirting with me?" say yes because you are! Clear intentions let women know you're authentic.
4. Make It A Date
This goes hand in hand with that last tip. The more clear and upfront you are about your intentions, the better you're received. If you're asking a woman out, acknowledge that it's a date right away. If asked, "Is this a date?" Hayley has the perfect response. Say, “It's a date for me, but you can decide at the end of the night what it is to you.”
With one simple response, you state your intentions and leave the ball in her court. There's no pressure, and in the end if it doesn't feel right she knows you'll be able to handle it. Either way, you look calm, confident and in control.
5. You're Not For Everyone
In our nearly hour-long conversation, we covered many topics, but none more important than this one. No one person is for everyone. No matter how good you look, there are people who will not like you. No matter how bad you think you look there will be someone out there who thinks the opposite. It's your job is to go out and find these people.
Many times we bark up trees that are not for us. Sometimes if you give someone a try that is outside your “type” you can be pleasantly surprised. On that same note, some people will just never be attracted to a certain person and that's OK.
There's were just a few tips. I look forward to putting these methods into practice. I've actually been challenged by Hayley to see how many things I can change for the better in the next month.