Everything I've Learned About Love (So Far)
Lexi Goldberg from 'The Ultimatum: Queer Love'

Lexi Goldberg Didn’t Go On The Ultimatum To Play Games

“When you feel something for somebody, you should live that authentically.”

Originally Published: 
Elite Daily; Ryan Fluger

At 25, Lexi Goldberg knows she’s young to be considering marriage. Still, she insists she’s always been an old soul at heart and isn’t the type to play games — when she commits, she commits. “If we’re dating, I’m trying to figure out if it’s you and me,” Goldberg, who is bicoastal between Miami and Los Angeles, tells Elite Daily. If you’re not down for that level of transparency, you’re probably not right for her.

Spoiler alert: This post contains spoilers from The Ultimatum: Queer Love finale and reunion. That level of self-awareness and confidence is what made Goldberg a standout on Netflix’s The Ultimatum: Queer Love. She joined the show with her partner, Raelyn Cheung-Sutton, because Goldberg wanted to get married and Cheung-Sutton wasn’t ready yet. The show’s premise asks contestants to break up with their partner for a three-week “trial marriage” with someone else from the cast. To state the obvious, it gets messy fast. Goldberg paired up with Mal Wright, but their connection never developed past a friendship, and she ended up getting engaged to Cheung-Sutton in the finale (which aired June 7).

But wait, there’s more — though Goldberg and Cheung-Sutton were happily together when the reunion show taped a few months ago, a brief note at the end revealed they’ve since broken up. (Still keeping up?) To get her POV on the whole situation, Elite Daily asked Goldberg about her time on the show, her current relationship status, and what she loved most about her trial marriage with Wright.

Elite Daily: Now that The Ultimatum: Queer Love is out, how do you feel about people being able to watch such a vulnerable experience in your life?

Lexi Goldberg: It’s absolutely the most humbling and strange experience of my life. There were some moments during filming where I was thinking, “Oh, I want to watch that again. Thank God they filmed it.” Then there were other moments I would have rather just let pass. It definitely puts your whole life in the spotlight, but I’m proud of who I am and the way I carried myself.

ED: You were 24 during filming — one of the youngest people there — yet you were the one to issue the ultimatum in your relationship. When did you know you were ready for marriage?

LG: I’ve always followed my gut, and I stand by the fact that when you feel something for somebody, you should live that authentically. I’m not the type of person who likes to play games or drag something out for months on end. With Rae, I was getting to a point where I wanted to start making those commitments.

ED: I want to hear more about the situation with Vanessa and Rae — they hooked up during their trial marriage, and you were understandably pretty upset. Did that play out the way you remember things?

LG: It played out in alignment with how I was feeling. There’s this moment in the trailer where I said “I don’t give a sh*t about the sex.” Because for me, it wasn’t about the sex. Once you get over the initial hurt of somebody being intimate with the person you love, you think, “Why did they do it? Do they have feelings for this person?” It was so clear there weren’t feelings of romance [between Vanessa and Rae].

I didn’t come on this show to have a fun little spring break hiatus in life. If I wanted to do that, I think I would’ve just asked Rae for a break. In the show, we get a good bird’s eye view into who Vanessa is, but as someone who saw her every day, I don’t agree with her character. And that really struck a nerve for me.

ED: Where do you stand with Vanessa now? Do you two speak at all?

LG: No. She knows how I feel, and we’re never going to be people who walk through life in the same room unless we’re absolutely forced to. I think she blocked me on Instagram, and it is what it is. I hope she grows in life. I wish nothing but the best for her if she learns how to be a significantly better human being and individual. But no, I’m certainly never going to take her out to a bar to grab drinks.

ED: Well, on a more positive note, I want to ask about your trial marriage with Mal. What drew you two together?

LG: Mal felt like family. She has absolutely changed the way I look at love, because when you’re next to somebody who feels like home — who feels safe, comfortable, and celebrates you for who you are — that’s all you can really ask for in a partner. She did a perfect job of never telling me to turn down the volume on my personality — even the quirkiest, funniest, or most annoying parts of me. She was just Team Me.

Plus, we had so much fun together. She’s still listed in my phone as “wife.” I truly think the way I handled myself throughout the show is a reflection of the person I got to live with, and I got the best hand I could have been dealt with her.

ED: Did you ever consider pursuing anything romantic with Mal?

LG: I did, yeah. For the first couple weeks of our trial marriage, we were just having fun and then dealing with all the madness around us. But in the last week with Mal, there was a moment I can remember where I thought “Do I want to kiss her right now? What’s happening here?” Then there was this moment in bed where I was being playful with her in a way that felt flirtatious. We talked about it afterward, and she says she thought the same thing.

But honestly, I don’t think either of us felt like we could have explored that fully and handled it with enough care. I don’t know what would’ve happened if I had kissed Mal, but I’m thankful that we didn’t do anything reckless that might have jeopardized how important she is to me.

ED: You ended up engaged to Rae, but we found out at the end of the reunion that you two broke up. Can you share anything more about that?

LG: There were parts of my relationship with Rae where I toned down who I was. Watching the show back, I noticed how vibrant I was around Mal versus the way I was less of myself around Rae. It was a little humbling. On top of that, there were wounds [between Rae and me] that came back up from the show that were probably never going to heal. We had a great four-year relationship, and I’m respectful and appreciative of everything we built, but there are things I prioritize that I just don’t think she could have given me.

ED: What is your relationship status now?

LG: I am very much seeing somebody, and I’ve never been so happy and in love. One of the first things I told her was “You make me feel the way Mal made me feel, and I couldn’t ask for anything more.” The term “twin flame” has become really mainstream, and people use it in a cavalier way, but I truly feel like we were ripped from the same cloth and now we’re sewing ourselves back together. It’s the most amazing relationship I’ve ever had.

ED: I’m looking forward to the hard launch. Speaking of social media, I noticed you’re big on OnlyFans — how did you get started doing that?

LG: After the show finished filming, I was trying to explore my creative side more, and I was making some TikToks. Obviously, I have really big boobs, and I was getting comments from people saying “You got an OnlyFans?” So I decided to try it.

As much as OnlyFans can be this taboo thing, it gave me agency over my own body in a way that I’ve never had before. I have never felt sexier, more comfortable, or more able to explore conversations with people from so many different walks of life. I’ve had nothing but positive experiences with subscribers. I’m really proud of what I’ve built there, and I will always be a champion for women making decisions to support themselves.

ED: That confidence shines through in the show, too. What’s a fear you used to have about relationships you’ve overcome since going on The Ultimatum?

LG: My biggest fear, and I also preface this as a queer person, is that I was going to have to compromise because I wouldn’t find somebody who fit what I needed. When your dating pool is smaller, there can be a fear that you’ll just have to forgive certain things, but the biggest thing I want to tell people is that you deserve everything you want. Don’t settle on things that matter to you, because I, in the midst of a TV show, found somebody who was everything I could have ever wanted in a person. Mal gave all of that to me within five minutes of meeting her, and I realized you don’t need to settle for less.

ED: Having gone through this experience, what’s your best piece of relationship advice for our readers?

LG: Follow your heart. If you want to tell somebody you love them, tell them. If you want to ask somebody to be your girlfriend after five minutes, they might not say yes, but do it. My current relationship has gone so well because I started following my gut, and when I wanted to say “I love you,” I just said it. When I wanted to ask her to be my girlfriend, I did it. When I wanted to move in with her, we did that, too.

ED: It’s obvious you’re really happy now. What does love mean to you?

LG: Love means feeling absolutely at peace with yourself and being with somebody who makes you feel amazing. Love isn’t meant to make you feel uncomfortable or wrong about who you are, the way you look, or the way you walk through life. It should be a celebration of two people coming together exactly as they are, and realizing that when they’re together, they’re better than when they’re by themselves.

This interview has been condensed and edited for clarity.

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