Your Enneagram type says a lot about not only how you behave in relationships, but also why you act that way. Conversely, your love language says a lot about what you need in your relationships. And as it turns out, your Enneagram type and love language are actually interconnected. That means that if you know your Enneagram number, you can easily figure out what your love language is, too.
Here's how it works. The Enneagram system, which emphasizes the motivations that guide your behavior, consists of nine types. These types are organized into three centers: The Instinctive Center (types One, Eight, and Nine), the Feeling Center (types Two, Three, and Four), and the Thinking Center (types Five, Six, and Seven). Each center is associated with a core emotional response — anger for the Instinctive group, shame for the Feeling group, and fear for the Thinking group. This doesn't mean that's the only emotion they feel, of course, but once you understand where each type's center lies, you'll start to get a stronger grasp on what types of relationships they thrive in. The love languages, meanwhile, describe five different ways of giving and receiving love: physical touch, words of affirmation, acts of service, quality time, and gifts.
So, how do they connect? Well, a person's love language makes a lot of sense when you consider that it's also how they cope with their core emotion. For example, a Thinking Enneagram type may need words of reassurance to soothe their fear, while an Instinctive type might need physical affection to calm their reactivity.
The bottom line is, you can totally figure out what your love language is based on your Enneagram number. Here's what you need to know about how the two systems intersect for each type.
For Ones, being bona fide perfectionists can be a blessing and a curse. On the one hand, they're always motivated to give 100% to everything they do. On the other hand, they have such high standards for themselves that they sometimes struggle to feel satisfied with their achievements. That's why words of affirmation can go such a long way with a One. By making it a point to recognize their amazing accomplishments, you help them to be a little less hard on themselves.
Twos are nothing if not generous with showing their love in a myriad of ways — by showering you with compliments, showing you physical affection, helping you with practical day-to-day tasks, and making sure to carve out plenty of time for you in their schedule. As for how they receive love, warm and fuzzy Twos tend to especially appreciate physical touch — so don't be shy about giving them a long, lingering embrace or a passionate smooch to show them how much you appreciate all that they do for you. They also value words of affirmation, so in addition to showing how much you care, it's a good idea to tell them now and then, too.
All Threes really want in life is to be respected and admired. So, sometimes these driven workaholics can become so focused on success that they forget to pat themselves on the back for small wins and take care of their own well-being. That's where you come in. Threes often appreciate acts of service — anything to make their lives even the smallest bit easier while they're grinding away 24/7.
Words of affirmation can be powerful for this type as well, particularly if they support the Three's dreams and help them to realize that they are valuable and worthy of love, regardless of what they achieve. FYI, image-conscious Threes also cherish an extravagant gift once in a while, so feel free to ball out on their next birthday.
Fours thrive on all-night emotional convos, intense eye contact, and passionate embraces. Basically, they want to feel like they can expose themselves fully with you, and they want you to do the same. Hence, their love language is often quality time. They don't just want you to pencil them in — they want one-on-one hangouts in which they can delve into deep topics with you for hours on end.
Expressive, intense Fours also tend to appreciate physical touch and words of affirmation — especially when those words demonstrate your acknowledgement and acceptance of their uniqueness.
Since Fives are independent AF, they don't need a ton of QT. Also, since they're in the Head Center, words of affirmation won't really do it for these logic-minded, non-verbal, types. Fives often struggle with stress and nerves in regards to the outside world, and thus, need plenty of alone time to sort through their thoughts and feelings. As such, the best way to their heart is through acts of service. With Fives, actions speak louder than words — so show them how much you care by allowing them the space they need while also helping them to resolve any current problems that are bothering them.
In order for a Six to feel loved, they need to feel safe and supported first and foremost. That means proving to them that you can be relied on, and keeping your word. Words of affirmation are indeed reassuring to a Six, but only if you back up your words with your actions. Remind them regularly that you're there for them, and that you're not going anywhere — then reinforce it by following through on plans.
Fun-loving and adventurous, Sevens don't ever want to feel boxed in. They don't need a ton of verbal affirmation or quality time to be content, but they do need to feel like they can maintain their independence in the relationship. Sevens have an insatiable craving for novelty and excitement, so physical touch — especially in new forms and when they least expect it — goes a long way. Another way to make a Seven feel loved is to surprise them with a cool experience gift, like wakeboarding lessons or a road trip to a city you've never been to.
Passionate Eights show their love by filling the role of protector. You can always count on them to stand up for you, or better yet, empower you to stand up for yourself through words of affirmation. However, they don't need you to do the same for them — they're assertive and confident enough as it is. Instead, make it a priority to find opportunities for physical touch. Physical affection rarely fails to help the Eight drop their aggressive shell and show you the softie underneath.
Easygoing, agreeable Nines crave a meaningful, harmonious connection with their partners. And the best way for them to build that is through quality time. Specifically, you can make your Nine feel loved by being fully present with them when you're hanging out — that means your phone is off, and you're showing them that you value their thoughts, opinions and feelings by actively listening to them. BTW, since Nines can sometimes become overly accommodating of your needs and desires, it's a good idea to encourage them to take the lead on making plans once in a while.
