Perhaps the modern, sex-positive version of R.E.M.'s banger, "Everybody Hurts" would be something along the lines of "Not Everybody Squirts." Though some forms of media (read: porn) may make "female ejaculation" seem like a standard part of sex, the truth is, squirting isn't something that everyone experiences. And if you've ever stressed yourself out wondering, why you can't squirt during sex? Rest assured that there is nothing "wrong" with you at all.
"[Squirting] is just a bodily function that some people can do, and some people don’t do," Dr. Jessica Shepherd, OB/GYN, Women's Health Expert, and founder of Her Viewpoint tells Elite Daily. "It’s not whether it's the 'ability' to be 'able' to do it, it’s a physiologic bodily function." Much like rolling your tongue, squirting during sex is a physical thing that some bodies do, and some don't.
For Gigi Engle, sex coach, sexologist, and author of All The F*cking Mistakes: A guide to Sex, Love, and Life, discrepancies in squirting may come down to the Skene's or paraurethral glands, glands on the wall of the vagina and urethra that release fluid and/or swell during arousal. "Every single body experiences orgasm and arousal in unique ways," Engle tells Elite Daily. "It's possible that not everyone has Skene's glands or not everyone's Skene's glands fill with fluid to provide liquid for squirting."
Though some people may not have Skene's glands or have glands that produce liquid, Engle adds that others may just not enjoy having their G-spot and/or Skene's glands stimulated, and therefore don't want to be touched there. "What works for one person won't work for another," Engle says. "More studies and research on the topic needs to be done before we can make any concrete statements."
Of course, defining what constitutes as "squirting" can be helpful, as well. Whereas some people may noticeably release a lot of fluids, others may produce less or minimal fluid. "Squirt doesn’t have to 'eject' out of your body for it to be considered squirt," as Lola Jean, sex educator and World Record Holder for Volume Squirting, tells Elite Daily. "It can be a leak, a trickle, or a babbling brook. It is still squirt."
As Dr. Shepherd adds, the process behind producing squirting fluid is similar to the production of other bodily fluids like mucus, blood, and breast milk. "Some people are over-producers, some people are under-producers," Dr. Shepherd says. "And for those that do, there are different variations of how much [fluid] they might ejaculate or squirt." As all bodies are different, there is no standard way or amount to produce bodily fluids. Just as some people produce more mucus (hello, allergy season), some bodies are built to produce more squirting fluids.
"There are so many variables involved when it comes to sexual expression and enjoyment," Dr. Sherry Ross, women’s health expert and author of She-ology and She-ology, The She-quel, tells Elite Daily. "Sometimes, when women are sexually aroused or stimulated, there is an expulsion of fluid from the glands around the urethra during or before orgasm. Some women have reported squirting after giving blowjobs or having their nipples sucked."
As Dr. Ross shares, sexual expression and enjoyment come in all shapes and sizes. Because sex and sexuality can be so heavily impacted by cultural, religious, and societal norms, Dr. Ross adds that it can difficult to separate what causes bodily functions (like squirting) from the emotional aspect of sex (what someone is into or what turns them on.)
While you may already know that you like to squirt or that you'd like to do it, Jean shares the importance of listening to your body and finding what works for you. "Being 'unable' to do something sexually doesn’t make you a failure or worse off than others," Jean says. "We should be focusing on what your bodies can do, not what they can't." As Jean shares, though you may want to try to learn how to squirt, you never need to feel shame for not being able to squirt or pressure to try to force it. "[Squirting] does not dictate if someone is 'normal," Dr. Shepherd says. "Our bodies are set up to experience sexual intercourse and intimacy in different ways, and female ejaculation [or lack there of] doesn't take away from that intimacy."
As everyone's body experiences arousal differently, and even your own body changes over time — there is no one reason why someone may or may not be able to squirt during sex, all that matter is what feels good for you.
Gigi Engle, sex coach, sexologist, and author of All The F*cking Mistakes: A guide to Sex, Love, and Life
Lola Jean, sex educator and World Record Holder for Volume Squirting