I don't mean to be extra (who, me?), but learning to do macrame took months of my life that I will never get back. With enough time and energy, humans can train their bodies to do all sorts of things, like run a marathon or make a wall hanging from recycled yarn. But can you teach yourself to squirt? If you've heard people talk about it or have always been curious (Or if you or your partner(s) have ever watched porn), you may be wondering how you can get in on this BYOVF (bring you own vaginal fluid) party.
First things first: What is squirting? "Squirting is a physical manifestation of pleasure," Lola Jean, sex educator and mental health professional, tells Elite Daily. "Where an orgasm from someone with a vagina use to seem elusive, squirting is something we can see." According to Jean, if you or your partner is someone who gets stimulated visually, squirting can be an exhibit of your pleasure that your partner can literally see. And while every body is different, for some, squirting can be a totally hot (and validating) way to get down and dirty.
Although squirting can be a pleasurable sensation, it's important to note that it's not the same as orgasming. "Squirting is something that can happen during orgasm, but you can also orgasm without squirting and squirt without orgasming!" Amy Boyajian, co-founder and CEO of Wild Flower, tells Elite Daily. "Think of squirting as one type of bodily response possible during stimulation. Everyone’s body is different. Though there is no one method proven to induce vaginal ejaculation, there are a few tested tips and tools you can use in your exploration."
According to Dr. Sherry A. Ross, Women’s Health Expert and author of She-ology: The Definitive Guide to Women’s Intimate Health. Period., squirting is a sort of sexual phenomenon. "Many believe that squirting happens when your G-spot is stimulated," Dr. Ross says. "The exact 'sweet spot' is a bit of a mystery but there are different theories. For some women, when they are sexually aroused or stimulated — there is an expulsion of fluid that comes from the glands around a women’s urethra, or anterior surface of the vagina, during or before an orgasm." Dr. Ross shares that while squirting is related to sexual pleasure, it may not be a pleasurable feeling for everyone. "For some the gush feels as though you are wetting the bed and for others it is less obvious," Dr. Ross says. "Others are confused that they are actually losing urine when sexually aroused."
When it comes to teaching yourself how to squirt, Boyajian shares that the first step is getting both physically and mentally relaxed. They also suggest making sure you've used the bathroom and are well hydrated. When you feel comfy and relaxed, Boyajian suggests stimulating your G-spot or internal prostate area. "The prostate fluid will build up over time as this area is stimulated and you should feel it expand," Boyajian says. "As the fluid starts to build the sensation of needing to pee will heighten also. Let go and allow this feeling to happen without trying to engage your muscles into stopping the sensation. Stimulating your clitoris can help get you to the point of release. When you eventually reach orgasm, the fluid should be released in a whirlwind of wet pleasure."
Dr. Ross agrees that it may be possible to teach yourself how to squirt. "Sexual behaviors are learned," Dr. Ross says. "The exact 'sweet spot' is a bit of a mystery but there are different theories. Many believe that squirting happens when your G-spot is stimulated." Though Dr. Ross shares that it can be hard to find exact location of your G-spot, reports show that it's located one to three inches above or on top of the vagina. "When a finger is inserted into the top surface of the vagina, up to about the second knuckle, a slightly bumpy or ridged area can be identified," Dr. Ross says. "When sexually aroused the area called the G-spot will fill with blood and appear to be swollen. Women can have an orgasm and even ejaculate if the G-spot is properly stimulated."
Although Dr. Ross explains that 10-50% of women have probably experienced squirting, Jean adds that squirting can be a tricky subject to clinically study. "It is important to note that we know very little about squirting," Jeans says. "Of the small number of 'studies'— if you can even call them that — the sample sizes are ridiculously small and the controls are questionable." According to Jean, researchers may never know for sure if everyone with a vagina is able to squirt, but strengthening your pelvic floor and learning the intricacies of your body can be a good place to start. "The best way to learn is on your own," Jeans says. "Squirting is a potential path achieved via masturbation. Think about it: you’re more comfortable with yourself than anyone and if you do anything 'embarrassing' no one else is there to know but you."
Dr. Ross and Jean both emphasize that not everyone responds to G-spot stimulation and that there's nothing wrong with you or your body if you can't squirt or orgasm from stimulating your G-spot. "There isn’t one way to do anything," Jean says. "There isn’t one single way to squirt just like there isn’t *one* single way to orgasm. Penetration and aggressive G-spot stimulation isn’t for everyone." If you've been practicing how to squirt, but are still having trouble, Boyajian suggests trying some calming breathing exercises, meditation, or even practicing a few mellow yoga moves to relieve your body and mind of any stress. "If you’re having a hard time getting to that release, have patience!" Boyajian says. "Also, make sure you don’t set your expectations too high on your first attempt. Think of your exploration as a journey instead of a means to an end. Every body is unique and shows pleasure in it’s own way."
Additionally, if your partner is super into the idea of "making you squirt," Jean and Boyajian both attest that it may be time for a check in. Remember: You never need to do anything you're uncomfortable with. "The mainstream porn industry has trivialized vaginal ejaculation, suggesting it happens to all people with vaginas easily and in a very fluid heavy, euphoric way — this simply isn’t true," Boyajian says. "While ejaculating during orgasm can be great for some, it can also bring on feelings of embarrassment and anxiety for others."
According to Jean, although all sexual encounters require a discussion amongst all parties involved about consent, the specific act of squirting is really all about the person doing the squirting. "Somehow squirting has become yet another performance for people with vaginas," Jeans says "It becomes about 'making' someone squirt. You don't 'make' anyone squirt.They squirted." If you're super into the idea of your partner making you squirt or squirting is a part of your pre-determined roleplaying, there's no wrong way to incorporate it. But if your partner is making your feel pressured to squirt or they're making assumptions about what squirting "should" look like, communicate with them about how you're feeling. You never need to do anything you aren't into.
In fact, Jean shares that it can be a good practice to consider why you want to learn how to squirt before diving in. "It’s important to unpack if you want to squirt for your pleasure and not only to please your partner," Jeans says. "For some squirting is an incredible release and for others it’s a nuisance. There is no normal. There is no 'broken.' There is only what you enjoy and what you’re comfortable with." Of course, as long as your sex is consensual, it's totally OK to experience pleasure from pleasing your partner. Still, it's always important to be clear about your boundaries and intentions before turning up the heat. Jean adds that if you're totally down to teach yourself how to squirt, it can help to think of the process as a journey, rather than a destination. "Rome wasn't built in a day," Jean says. "Enjoy the process in getting there and allow your body to experience new sensations. Our bodies are very smart. It’s about time we trusted them."
If you're totally intrigued by squirting, experts suggest that you kick back and relax, and try stimulating your G-spot. Of course, not everyone responds to G-spot stimulation or squirts the same way. If you've tried it out and weren't super into it, you never need to feel any pressure to squirt. If you've tried it out and want to keep trying, it may help to think of squirting as its own journey. As long as the sex you're having is consensual and pleasurable for you and your partner, you're having good sex.