Ah, the highly controversial topic of female ejaculation. What is it? Well, I'm going to begin with what it is not.
Female ejaculation is not the same thing as squirting or gushing. Women are capable of releasing many types of fluids during their sexual response cycle. The fluid of ejaculation is one, and the fluid of squirting is another.
A lot of people might not agree with me. I'm okay with that. Ejaculation, squirting and gushing have been used interchangeably for a long time, and sometimes, it's hard to challenge or change that.
As a sex educator, I find the misinformation that is readily available — just Google "female ejaculation" and see what you come up with — rather frustrating and oppressive to women and their journey to complete sexual freedom.
Female ejaculation is the release of a small amount of milkish, whitish and thicker fluid (thicker than urine and vaginal lubrication) from the urethral sponge. Aristotle referred to it as “female sperm.”
This was the beginning of the long history of having a woman's sexuality mirrored after a man's. Sorry to say, but that's total bullsh*t.
This research, which caused a global uproar, looked at the fluids involved during the experience of squirting. Female ejaculate is often found, but there are other fluids as well.
I'm not ashamed of the many fluids my body produces in response to pleasure. Women will not become totally liberated with their sexuality until they learn about their bodies (and not from porn-induced trends or the male voice).
For a lot of women, heavy historical sexual performance scripts are clashing with postmodern sexual experiences. Many of us are still looking for society to tell us what is beautiful, desirable, hot and sexy.
Women cannot change their sexual scripts until they challenge them and rewrite a new script, giving themselves permission to openly talk about female experiences. It's our bodies and our responsibility.
Ejaculation, squirting and orgasms are three very different experiences for a woman. A woman can ejaculate without orgasm, orgasm without ejaculation, squirt without orgasm and orgasm without squirting.
In no way are they synonymous, and they don't have to occur together. That being said, for some women, all three can occur simultaneously.
I am one woman, one voice and one experience. Ejaculation is part of my sexual response cycle. I do not require an orgasm to ejaculate.
Although most times, I do ejaculate with orgasm. Sometimes, I orgasm without ejaculation. When it comes to ejaculation and orgasm, I have a diversified experience.
The last thing I want to do is load up my sexual experiences with the expectation of ejaculating or squirting. Women are complex sexual beings, capable of experiencing arousal and orgasm in a multitude of ways.
With the outside clitoris, inner clitoris, G-spot, A-spot and O-spot, women are extremely diversified and unique in how they become aroused and orgasmic. Wet or dry, clitoral or vaginal, my orgasms are f*cking fantastic.
Female orgasms are not a reward or pat on the shoulder for a job well done for a partner. Did you know that about seven out of 10 women report faking orgasms? Why?
An overwhelming percentage of women report they want to boost their partner's self-esteem or provide their partner with "proof" of sexual ability. Postmodern times ushered in the potential for liberation of female sexuality, so let's fully liberate it.
Ladies, first and foremost, our orgasms are about our pleasure. They are neither a "trophy" we give to our partners, nor are they a "gift" our partners give us. We own the f*ck.
I know I stated this earlier, but it's totally worth repeating: This is about our bodies and our responsibility.
The type of fluid a woman emits during sex or sexual activity is not a silent marker for her pleasure. Women (and men) have been taught a wet pussy is an aroused, happy and sexy pussy. Arousal and pleasure do not always result in a wet pussy.
Guess what? I think a pussy — wet or not — is always sexy.
If you really want to know if your female partner experienced pleasure, don't look to the sheets. Just ask her. A woman should never be shamed or embarrassed by her sexual fluids (or lack thereof).
The sunrise is on the horizon. The opportunities for women to experience true emancipation from all models of male sexuality are here.
We hold the knowledge. The question is, what are we going to do with it?
This article was originally published on SEXsational You.