Wanting Your Own Room When You Move In Together Could Be A Red Flag, According To Experts
Deciding to move in with your partner is a huge step in any partnership, and not something that should be taken lightly. After all, your living situation has the power to positively (or negatively) affect your life on a daily basis, which is why it's so important to carefully think it through. This deliberation process might lead you to wonder if wanting your own room when you move in together is normal, or if it's a sign that you're not ready to live under one roof with your SO.
According to licensed clinical psychotherapist Dr. LeslieBeth Wish, it's important to clarify and understand why, specifically, you'd want to maintain your own space. "It depends what you mean by 'your own room,'" Dr. Wish tells Elite Daily. "If you mean a room that can serve as a combination of study, a room to sleep in case you or your partner are sick, and a room where you can be on the phone with family, friends, and colleagues without disturbing your partner — then the answer is: There is nothing wrong or worrisome at all."
Having a room where you can do your own thing or take some time for yourself can be a great way to maintain your separate interests, hobbies, and passions while simultaneously giving your partner the space to do the same. When you live with bae, just like with roommates, it can be easy to OD on spending time together, and an additional room can make working through these periods way easier.
However, if your desire to have your own room is stemming from another place, then Dr. Wish encourages you to listen to your gut and dig deeper into your concerns. "Listen to your hesitation, and ask yourself the following questions: Do I consider sharing a bedroom a decision that robs me of saying no to sex when I don't feel in the mood? On a scale of one to 10, how sure am I that this person is a very good match for me? What don't I like about him/her?" suggests Dr. Wish.
Sometimes our gut feeling about a person or situation can be our subconscious' way of steering us away from things that might not be in our best interest, even if we don't feel that way on a conscious level. According to Dr. Wish, if you're worried that wanting your own room is a red flag, examining your feelings as much as possible is key.
"What am I gaining by moving in together? For example, do you think you are gaining a potential life partner — or just a 'good enough' warm body who makes you feel safe? What do I fear I am losing by moving in together?" These are all good questions to ask yourself if your doubts about merging your domestic lives together just won't quit, explains Dr. Wish.
Figuring out the best way to proceed might not be easy, but it's always important to consider all of the possible outcomes of any situation before deciding what's best for you and your relationship, even if that means holding off on taking the next step. So, how should you voice your concerns to your partner? Well, Dr. Wish recommends simply starting a conversation.
"Take a good look at your answers, feelings, and thoughts about the questions and issues above," says Dr. Wish. "Evaluate what you are learning about you. And then talk to your partner about what you learned."
Making decisions that could potentially upset your partner can be really difficult, but in the end, moving forward with something that you have reservations about might not be best for you. That's why it's so important to take the time that you need to make the right decision. The truth is, anyone who has your best interests at heart won't pressure you into something you're not sure about.