If you've been feeling tension with bae, like, f*ck, we're about to break up, tension, you're probably having a lot of tough conversations. From long late-night talks about "what we want" or "what we're doing" to full-blown fights about gender dynamics or superior Thai food places, the end of a relationship can be really hard. But what does texting looks like on the verge of a breakup? When we seemingly hold our phones more than we hold our partner's hand, it can be interesting to look at what our texts say about how we're talking to our boos. When a breakup is coming, can our texts signal if the end is near? I reached out to online dating coach Eric Resnick about what texting looks like right before a breakup.
"When a relationship is dying, it's not uncommon for communication to start breaking down as well," Resnick tells Elite Daily. "One of the big tell-tale signs is that there is a lot less communication. We uncouple from each other, take less interest in each other's lives and feelings, and we focus more on our own self-interests."
But what should we look for in our texting when we sense a breakup coming? Resnick shares with us some red (and read receipt) flags to look for.
Maybe your boo said something really hurtful. Maybe you made a joke that was taken out of context. Maybe you both are mad about other things and take it out in a fight about paper towel brands.
"It is at this point that small arguments start happening more frequently, things that would have been little disagreements in the past are not becoming flash points for big fights," Resnick says. "It is also at this point that we actually start looking for things to start arguments. For many people, the act of starting arguments can be a subconscious cue that your brain is looking for a way to tank the relationship."
If you're feeling upset about something, sometimes you might start to get angry about other issues as a way to deal. If you find you and bae are getting into arguments, it may be helpful to put the phones down and try to work it out in person.
If you're feeling done, like done, you may not want to be texting your boo during the day. "
It becomes a lot less frequent. We don't respond as quickly, and sometimes we ignore some of the messages that our partner sends us," Resnick says.
If you want some space from your boo, may ignore a message (or five) or feel like you don't have anything to say. If you feel your boo isn't responding to you, they could be taking time to process what they want to say and how they want to communicate.
When you're dating someone and you text a lot, you may begin to hear their texts in their voice. You know when they're kidding or when they're fake whining. But on the verge of a breakup, it can become harder to hear their words in their voice.
"We stop listening to their voice in our heads," Resnick says. "That means we lose the context of their texts and start reading them like they are the words of a stranger. As a result, things that used to be funny can now be off-putting, annoying, or even infuriating."
Maybe their spelling errors or stream of conscious texts about their subway ride are starting to rub you the wrong way. Instead of responding quickly, maybe take a minute to think about why you're upset, and how best to communicate. It may not be via text after all.
If you and your boo are debating a breakup, it may be heard to keep up the pet names and compliments.
"You will almost always speak to them with less affection. As your feelings for them wane, it is very hard to hold up the illusion that they are still there," Resnick says. "You will often sound more annoyed with them. You have less patience for people that you don't care about."
If your feelings are starting to change, it can be hard to keep up the "ILY" and "miss u," especially if what you're feeling is more "IDK."
If your relationship feels like it's ending, maybe the best thing to do is put down the phones and talk in person. Communicating face to face can make for more honest dialogue. When you can't hide behind a screen, you can get real with your boo and really speak your mind. There is no wrong or right way to date. The way you talk, the way you text, and the way you date is ultimately up to you.
