In my experience, short of last-minute holiday shopping with your very conservative grandmother, there's no bad time to buy yourself a sex toy. Of course, if you get extra turned on by a bargain (literally me), hitting a great sale can make you feel extra good about yourself. And if you're looking for the sex toy to buy on Cyber Monday, based on your zodiac sign (duh), you, my friend, have come to the right place.
From two-player toys to low-key vibrators you can literally wear as jewelry, there is no shortage of amazing toys out there on the internet. Whether you already have a vibrant collection of nipple clips (I'm jealous) or you've never dipped your toe into the sex toy pool, learning about new innovations in sex tech can be super enlightening. And though playing with your toys can make for an incredibly fulfilling solo-mission, using toys with a partner can bring your sex life into all sorts of overdrive. Of course, it's 2019. What better way to talk about toys than through the zodiac and all its powers?
If you're wondering what to get yourself on Cyber Monday, here are the best sex toy — astrologically speaking, that is.
Aries (March 21–April 19): Velvet Restraints
Fire sign Aries like to be on top — literally. Dominant and fearless, they'll love to (consensually) play with these velvet restraints. Whether they tie their partner up or switch up the fun, these restraints will really let Aries go wild.
Taurus (April 20–May 20): Inflatable Sex Pillow
Taurus is the only sign that cares about lumbar support in the bedroom. Though they're deeply romantic and sensual, practical Taurus will rarely give up a chance to be as comfortable as they can possibly be. This inflatable sex pillow will let the bull try all new things as they comfortably recline.
Gemini (May 21–June 20): Broad City Rabbit Vibrator
The adaptable twins are all about doing things from every angle. Cue: the Rabbit. With two motors and two heads, this multifaceted toy is a Gemini's dream.
Cancer (June 21–July 22): Bean
Ruled by the moon and drawn to water, the Unbound Bean is perfect for a sensitive Cancer. Waterproof and quiet, this palm-shaped toy is perfect for all types of play.
Leo (July 23–Aug. 22): Anal Beads
Daring and theatrical, Leo likes the limelight. Adding some anal beads into the mix will totally bring the drama this lion craves while giving them all sorts of extra pleasure.
Virgo (Aug. 23–Sept. 22): Eva II
The Eva II wastes no time. With flexible wings to clip around your body, the Eva maximizes pleasure during solo or partnered sex. If you want something done right, ask a Virgo to do it for you. If you want to do your Virgo right, get them an Eva.
Libra (Sept. 23–Oct. 22): We-Vibe Sync
Ruled by Venus, romantic Libra is all about making their boo feel good. A partner toy like the We-Vibe Sync will send harmonious waves of pleasure to them and their boo, making sure everyone is feeling close and connected.
Scorpio (Oct. 23–Nov. 21): Vesper
Secretive Scorpio keeps things close to their heart, so the Crave Vesper, a vibrator that looks like a pendant necklace, is the perfect thing to get them going. It's sleek, covert, and does its best work in private, just like this water sign.
Sagittarius (Nov. 22–Dec. 21): 2GO
Adventurous Sag is always on the go. Though they're down for anything, the Womanizer 2GO is the perfect toy to slip into a getaway bag at a moment's notice.
Capricorn (Dec. 22–Jan.19): Vibe
Capricorns are serious and goal-oriented. Not one for frills, they'll love how clean Maude's Vibe looks and how well it works. They'll also love that it doesn't break the bank.
Aquarius (Jan. 20–Feb. 18): Fin
Quirky Aquarius likes to go with the flow. Not one for convention or tradition, a finger vibrator like Dame's Fin, will let them try all sorts of new moves.
Pisces (Feb. 19–March 20): Starlet
Dreamy Pisces goes with the flow, (especially if the flow means someone performing oral sex). Using air-technology, the Womanizer Starlet will feel like someone is going down on them, pleasing this Pisces until the sun comes up.