The 1 Thing To Avoid Doing After A Breakup, According To A Breakup Expert
Everyone handles breakups differently. Some people like to cry it out, some like to dance it out, and others like to deal with it alone, in their rooms, with TV and chocolate. Regardless of how you choose to cope with the wave of emotions you probably feel in the days after a breakup, it's important to remember you will get through it. And the one thing to avoid doing after a breakup? Telling yourself no one will ever love you again. Because that's not true, in any way, at all.
"As hard as it is, remind yourself of this: 'I am still lovable,'" Elle Huerta, CEO and founder of heartbreak recovery app Mend, tells Elite Daily. "It may even help to write that on a post-it note and put it somewhere visible." Sometimes all you need is an in-your-face reminder that you will love and be loved again one day, by someone who actually deserves you and all the amazing things you bring to the table. "We are often so fast to blame ourselves and become critical of everything we did or didn't do in a relationship, in an effort to make sense of the breakup," Huerta says. "But what you really need after a breakup is self-compassion. You were doing the best you could," and that's really all you can do. If your best isn't enough for someone, that's their loss, not yours.
"Remember that when a relationship ends, it's not your fault and it doesn't mean you are unlovable or doomed to be alone," she says. "A relationship is a two-way street, and it takes two people to stay together or break up." Think about your best friend, and what you would tell her if she had just gone through a breakup of her own. "Would you ever blame your best friend, or pick your best friend apart if their relationship ended?" Huerta points out. No. So, why do it to yourself? "Try to treat yourself with the same compassion you would treat your best friend, and it will make a huge difference."
You would be there to take care of her after a breakup because that's your job. And the same way you'd be there for her, you should be there for yourself. "In the days right after a breakup, take extra care of your body because heartbreak causes real physiological and neurochemical changes that can make you feel like you're going through withdrawal," Huerta explains. "Focus on getting sleep (if you can't sleep, try a sleep-aid tea or talk to your doctor about melatonin). Eat mood-boosting whole foods (nuts, veggies, fish), and reduce your intake of things that will make you feel worse (sugar, caffeine, alcohol). Spend time around people who care about you and move your body (both release feel-good hormones)."
The healing process after a relationship ends varies per person. It's easier for some people to cope post-breakup than it is for others. For those who feel like their world is ending, I promise you, it's not. You will make it through this the same way you always do. You're stronger than you think, and you can handle more than you'll ever know. And if there's one thing you should avoid doing after your breakup, it's telling yourself you're no longer lovable. You are, you always have been, and you always will be. Remember that, my pretties.
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