Right after a breakup, everything is so confusing. Your heart aches, healthy choices sound impossible, unhealthy destructive choices sound appealing, and everyone in your life has a ton of unsolicited advice on what you should be doing. So who could blame you for feeling overwhelmed or for making terrible decisions. Breakups are hard! Well, I'm not going to tell you what to do; you're getting enough of that from all the well-meaning folks in your life. Instead, here's what not to do after a breakup — that is, unless you're just dying to draw this suffering out for as long as humanly possible.
Yeah I didn't think so. That’s just crazy talk.
OK, so let's get started. To move on from heartbreak — and to hopefully find love again — here are all the things you should try to avoid when you're in the throes of the post-breakup blues, so you can mend your heart and move on to bigger and better romances.
1. DON'T: Avoid Feeling Your Feelings
Right after a breakup, when you think your heart is literally broken, shoving your feelings deep down where you can’t feel them may seem extremely attractive. While that may work in the short term, it’s just delayed misery. This is why Alessandra Conti, Celebrity Matchmaker at Matchmakers In The City, says it's vital that you let yourself feel everything you're feeling in the immediate aftermath of breakup. “Mourn the death of your relationship,” she says. “It is important for you to allow your emotions to have an outlet. The worst thing that you can do is to suppress [them]."
2. DON'T: Wallow In The Pain For Too Long
As important as it is to feel your pain, you also have to draw a firm line on when it’s time to begin coping. “I always suggest a three-day mourning period where you can truly allow yourself to come home from work, sit on the couch, and mourn,” says Conti. Once those three days have gone by, it's crucial for you to start actively coping with your pain.
3. DON'T: Creep On Their Social Media
After a split, don’t waste any time cutting your ex out of your social media. Block, mute, delete, unfriend — do whatever you have to do to make sure there is no online contact. This is essential if you don’t want to drag out your suffering. “A random Snapchat can set a person who is recovering from a breakup back a month of emotional healing,” says Conti. “So it is important to stop any potential regression before it begins by blocking your ex from your accounts.”
4. DON'T: Sleep With Them Again
This one can be so hard to resist, but it’s a terrible, terrible, terrible idea to sleep with your ex. Maybe you think it will give you closure. (It won’t.) Maybe you think it will help you move on. (It won’t.) Maybe secretly, deep down where even you won’t admit it yourself, you hope it will help you two reconcile, because they will finally see what they were missing. (It won’t happen.) Unfortunately, the only thing you're guaranteeing by sleeping with them again is reopening the wound you've been trying to heal. The same goes for sleeping with someone else right away.
5. DON'T: Wait Too Long To Get Back Out There
Right about now, you’re probably feeling like all love is dead and you'll die alone. First of all, no. Just no. But secondly, it’s important to go get out there fairly soon after a breakup to get back into the swing of things. But don't immediately fall into bed with someone or think every new person you meet is "the one." Instead, just hit up the apps or even consult a matchmaker and start opening up to the possibility of loving someone new. Just don’t wait too long, because “the longer you wait to get back out there, the more horrifying the notion of dating will seem, and the more you will begin to idolize your ex," warns Conti.
Just remember, time heals all wounds, even a broken heart. You may not be able to make it all instantly better, but if you avoid making these post-split mistakes, I promise you will feel better, faster.
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