Breaking a gym membership contract can often come with the same kind of bureaucratic struggle as changing your name on a passport or disputing random charges on your phone bill. But as the saying goes, if you can't beat 'em, join 'em, so sometimes, you just have to laugh and make light of absurd institutional requirements. Well, that's what one man did, anyway, when he broke his gym contract after he moved away from his usual go-to location. Reddit user Robert Scucci's Planet Fitness "breakup" letter will have you whooping and slow-clapping for his humorous take on this seemingly unnecessary task, as he wrote it with the bittersweet tone of someone bidding adieu to an ex-lover.
Yes, Scucci really took matters into his own hands when he put together the required certified letter to Planet Fitness after they would simply not let him out of his contract over the phone. Been there, my dude, been there.
Instead of getting overtly scathing or going directly for the jugular, Scucci semi-sarcastically turned the other cheek, and told Planet Fitness just how much he loved, appreciated, and held close his memories of the gym, while including a few underhanded, but well-natured jabs.
"It is with deep regret and a heavy heart," Scucci began, "that I write this letter."
The Reddit user went on to describe that he has grown and "changed," while Planet Fitness has remained, well, exactly the same. And it's part of the reason he has needed to move on to a different, slightly more extensive fitness establishment. Plus, he and his wife, who also needed to step away from her commitment to Planet Fitness, moved to a new state, so, you know, there's that.
The letter continued,
I have different needs now, and to be frank... you really haven’t changed at all. You are still that bulky purple and yellow building with Tootsie Rolls at the counter.
Scucci added, "I don't want to change you, and it pains me to think we were once one..."
However, somewhat cruelly, Scucci goes on to drop some hot deets on his new gym, which he not-so-humbly brags is doing his body some serious favors — ones that Planet Fitness apparently couldn't quite deliver. This probably isn't exactly 100 percent perfect breakup etiquette, but as we know, these things can sometimes turn ugly.
Further down, the letter reads,
Furthermore, I’ve moved onto and into a new facility (the gym at my apartment complex) with state of the art whatchamacallit that really tones my thighs and masters my ass in ways that were hitherto unknown.
I don’t want you to be jealous, or to judge me based on this decision. That's not the Planet Fitness that I know and love.
Scucci added that he still loves Planet Fitness, but more like a friend at this point. It happens.
And yeah, he still gets nostalgic about the time they were able to spend together, "as one." Because who doesn't yearn a bit for their past companions from time to time?
Sometimes, when I’m alone, I even throw on one of my old ‘power-pop workout’ playlists and feel the rush of our past course through me as if we were still one, holding hands with your elliptical machine.
As Scucci told Huffington Post, writing the letter was all about turning his annoyance into a bit of fun. "I figured I’d have fun with it," he said. He continued,
...because you can either get really mad at something like this or just waste somebody’s time by sending them something official that they then have to take seriously.
So, my friends, the next time you have to jump through some ridiculous hoops for an institution, let Scucci be an inspiration to not sweat the small stuff. Just make yourself, and the internet, laugh instead.