My worst breakup happened when I was in college. I asked my partner, who I loved very much, if they wanted to stay together after we graduated. It was weird — I went into the conversation basically asking them to be my life partner and left a few hours later with the knowledge that it was over. That period of heartbreak was earth-shattering and barely anything could help me get through it. If you're going through something similar, I bet you wish you had a few mantras to help you get an over an ex, just as I did.
When I was going through it, my friend Kaylis said, "This won't destroy you. Devastate you? Yes. But you are more than that relationship. Your day needs to be for you, putting yourself on the path forward. You are enough. Strong enough, smart enough, loving enough, etc. You are so enough. You just need to get to the day that you don't think about him until your feet hit your bedroom floor. And then, one day, you won't think of him until you're in the shower or eating breakfast." Considering the possibility that I would ever get to a place where my stomach didn't twist in pain at the thought of this person who meant so much to me was, quite frankly, mesmerizing. It took a long, long time, but the time did finally come.
If you're in a similar place, consider repeating the following mantras.
'Wash him right out of your hair.' This is something my mama said to me once and I think about it every time a breakup gets real rough and tough.
—Levi, 26
My favorite mantra is from a poem by Rupi Kaur called 'The Middle Place.' It says, 'the middle place is strange. The part between them and the next is an awakening from how you saw to how you will see. This is where their charm wears off, where they are no longer the god you made them out to be. When the pedestal you carved out of your bone and teeth no longer serves them. They are unmasked and made mortal again.'
— Rochelle, 27
I recently got cheated on, out of the blue. I had no idea it was coming. Honestly, I’ve told myself to get over it a lot of times. But mostly, I remind myself that I have plenty of people in my life who love me and won’t stop loving me. It’s been six-ish months but still, it was a huge hit to my self-image and ability to feel worthy of love. He said he still loved me when he did it, but that almost makes it worse. Either way, I felt very alone after that because I loved him so, so much so that everyone else’s love seems small. Now I have to remind myself that there are better people in my life that I can count on to love me and stay in my life.
— Lauren, 24
'Silence is an answer' is one phrase that I came up with. And my grandma told me this one, 'You can be completely in love with someone who isn't good to or for you.' When she said that, I felt like I was finally free. I always believed that because I loved that person so deeply, it meant that we were supposed to be together and I had to do everything I could to make things work out. But the reality is that being 'in love' doesn't equate to a healthy relationship.
— Mariah, 23
Uh, oops, I literally just [said] that song from Frozen. LMAO.
— Jess, 26
Basically, the entire song 'Your Ex-Lover Is Dead' by Stars. Specific lyrics that really became my mantra were, 'live through this and you won’t look back,' 'I’m not sorry I met you, I’m not sorry it’s over, I’m not sorry there’s nothing to say,' and 'when there is nothing left to burn you have to set yourself on fire.'
—Riley, 25
'You shouldn't have to force someone to love you,' by Brittani Louise Taylor. This was my calling card after a breakup with my partner of seven years. It has also helped keep me from staying in relationships that don't support me.
—Christin, 22
I love Tiny Beautiful Things by Cheryl Strayed. In it, she says, 'Real love moves freely in both directions. Don’t waste your time on anything else.'
— Lauren, 24
'I was your silver lining, but now I’m gold,' by Rilo Kiley.
— Madeline, 22
'Tell the world I'm a bad b*tch, they deserve to know.' No. seriously. That's really what I tell myself.
— Gisele, 24
When I was going through that awful breakup, my cousin called me out of nowhere to say that she had been at a party with old friends and couldn't remember the name of her ex-boyfriend. "Hey, at one point I thought I would never move on and now I forgot his name," she told me. "You'll get there, too." I did, slowly, but surely. Let these mantras remind you of your power. One day, you'll wake up and it won't hurt as much.
