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Kaitlyn Bristowe & Jason Tartick Dry Humped & I Have Serious Questions

If you go on The Bachelorette because you want to dry hump, then you're there for the right reasons. At the very least, The Bachelorette Season 11 star Kaitlyn Bristowe, 33, and The Bachelorette Season 14 contestant Jason Tartick, 30, would agree. The rumors are true: Kaitlyn Bristowe and Jason Tartick dry humped on their very first hookup, according to Cosmopolitan. The pair, who have been together for a few months, according to People, were both on The Bachelorette but met on Bristowe's podcast Off The Vine. They started as friends, but it soon turned into something more — a humping good time, if you will. Now, I've had first dates that are good, and I've had first dates that are great, but I've never dry humped on a first date, which made me wonder if maybe I've been living my life all wrong.

Why was it a first date move? Bristowe explained that she was on her period on their first date but was still looking for something fun to do. Bowling, movies, ice cream, dry humping: the classic elements of a fun first date (just kidding, I'm lactose intolerant). On her Off The Vine podcast, she said, "This is a natural thing for women. We don't have to act like it's weird...I was like 'Yo, let's just dry hump.' So we did. Literally, I had pants on. We were fully clothed and hot and heavy." She's absolutely right, too. Anything two people mutually agree on during sex is natural, and I'm glad she and Tartick had a good time! On the flip side, having sex while on your period is also totally normal and natural, if you're someone who likes to get naked during your flow.

Was it a good time for them? Bristowe made a shocking revelation, one that made me rethink the way I date (or even live). According to E!, her dry hump session with Tartick gave her an orgasm. With her clothes fully on, she explains. In five minutes. Not just any orgasm, but the "best orgasm of her life," Us Weekly reports. I would pay all the money in the world for a vibrator that could do that. Maybe I need to introduce more dry humping into my routine! Or maybe she and Tartick have such an incredible chemistry, the orgasm was inevitable. Either way, color me jealous.

Did anything else happen with the dry humping? According to Us Weekly, Tartick also picked Bristowe's nose on their first date. He saw a booger, and he wiped it off. According to People, Tartick unsuccessfully pursued Becca Kufrin on The Bachelorette, but maybe the problem is he didn't wipe her boogers fast enough?

It sounds like it made their relationship even stronger. On the podcast, Bristowe and Tartick both joked about their future and having kids and a dog within two years. With dry humping that good, why wait? Bristowe shared the story as part of her Spring Break Tour, where she travels the country recording her podcast live. I'm happy for the two of them — happy that they found each other, but mostly happy she found someone who can make her orgasm from dry humping. That's something to never, ever, ever let go of.