Here's Why It's Actually OK To Postpone Your Wedding, So Exhale
Being engaged can come with a lot of pressure. You might have to plan a huge ceremony, gather everyone important to you, and contemplate spending the rest of your life with your partner. It's easy to see how life could get in the way — maybe an opportunity comes up at work, and all of a sudden, devoting hours each week to wedding planning isn't feasible. Or maybe you're having second doubts about marriage, and that's totally normal. If you're in this situation, you might be wondering: Is it OK to postpone your wedding? To get the answer for you, I spoke to the experts.
If you're having any doubts about getting married, postponing a wedding might actually be the smartest move. "It is not only 'OK' 'to postpone a wedding, but it is also highly advisable when you or your partner have misgivings about your future together," LeslieBeth Wish, award-winning psychotherapist and author of Training Your Love Intuition, tells Elite Daily. "These strong feelings of doubts are more intense and different from getting stressed out, with all the wedding decisions that range from where to get married to what color for the napkins." It's one thing to be stressed about the logistics of a wedding ceremony, but it's another entirely to be unsure about getting married. If that's the case, postponing a wedding can often be the wisest thing to do, and even demonstrates compassion for your partner and wedding guests.
Anxiety about the specifics of the wedding is also a valid reason to postpone, although there are ways to work through this stress. It's less common to move the date of a wedding because of the challenges of planning it. "Weddings are rarely postponed due to aggravation, snafus, and meddling family members," Wish says. "Your postponement intuition is also more potent than an aggravating but unimportant stressed-out spat with your partner who is also in the throes of wanting to please his or her family." If your families are involving themselves too much in the planning of the wedding, this can lead to anxiety, but you can ask them to step back and proceed with planning the wedding on your own. To do this, Wish suggests kindly reminding them that it's your wedding, and, as much as you appreciate their input and support, you'd like to lead the preparation. That said, if you do feel like the logistics are overwhelming you to the point where you want to postpone, that's OK too. It's your wedding, and love can be stronger than logistics, so your relationship can survive even if you need to push the ceremony back.
Postponing a wedding doesn't mean your relationship isn't going to work out, but it is a good time to analyze what's going on and figure out if you're on the same page as your partner. "If your feelings of doubt are potent enough to postpone a wedding, then you and your partner need to address the issues that have surfaced before you decide whether to have the wedding at a later date or break up," Wish says. It could be that the two of you need more time to work through some issues, and that's totally OK. Use the time you've gotten back by postponing the wedding to think about what you want and to have some heartfelt conversations with your partner about where it's going. Relationships can survive a delayed wedding, and only you know what you want out of the relationship, so take the time to figure it out.
If you need to postpone a wedding, communicating it clearly with close friends and family can ease everyone's worries. People might want to know exactly what happened, but you can choose how much information to provide. "Prepare ahead of time a short speech or phone call alone, with your supportive friends and family," Wish says. "You do not owe anyone a detailed history of your relationship and your reasons for postponing the wedding. For example, some of my clients have said: 'We have decided (or I have decided, if your partner is not in agreement with you) to postpone the wedding. I am sorry to disappoint, surprise, or upset you. But I (we) take marriage very seriously, and I (we) are having serious doubts. I appreciate greatly your understanding'." A calm, succinct explanation is all you need to let friends and family know that the wedding is postponed. Even if they've ordered you gifts, there are return receipts for a reason, and you don't owe them every tiny detail of your relationship.
Postponing a wedding is a very personal choice, and only you and your partner can know what's right for your relationship. It doesn't mean your marriage is doomed if you have to postpone a wedding — it just means you should take the time to figure out what you truly want. Your wedding day should be an incredible experience for you, so whether or not you postpone, make sure you're following your heart to have the blissful nuptials you deserve!