Is It Ever OK To Stand Someone Up? Experts Say It Depends On The Reason Why
Dating can be a lot of fun, but like with most things, there are some downsides to putting yourself out there. One of the crappiest parts is running the risk of getting stood up on a date, which obviously isn't an experience anyone enjoys. Sure, something may have come up, but really, is it ever OK to stand someone up, without even a text to let them know you couldn't make it? The short answer is, not really, but there are a couple of situations in which you shouldn't have to explain yourself to the person you're standing up.
"The only time it may be appropriate to no-show a date is if you started to feel unsafe in your communication with them, for instance if they became overtly sexual or aggressive via text," Samantha Burns, dating coach and author of Breaking Up & Bouncing Back, tells Elite Daily. You should never feel like you have to show up to a date with someone who has made you feel uncomfortable or in danger time and time again — especially if you've told them how you feel and they refuse to stop.
Another possible situation where it may be OK to stand someone up is if an emergency comes up, and you just didn't have the time to let them know you couldn't make it. "It does happen," founder of The Professional Wingman, Thomas Edwards, tells Elite Daily. "I personally believe people do have those last-minute flutters that force them to check in with their gut and see if this is the right move." If you're faced with an emergency, letting your date know you're not going to be there might be the last thing on your mind, which is totally understandable. But once you've dealt with the emergency and remember you did have plans, it's important to talk to your date about what happened.
"Let your date know the general gist of what's going on but spare them the details," Burns says. "The most important part is to let them know you're still excited to meet them and make sure to include two alternative days and times that you can to reschedule, which shows you’re not just blowing them off." Communication is important, even in the beginning when you're just getting to know each other. If the roles were reversed, and your date stood you up, wouldn't you want them to tell you as soon as possible? "Be the person who you want showing up for you in those moments," Edwards says.
If, on the other hand, you're not interested in seeing this person at all, you may be tempted to just bail without giving them a heads up because it's easier than telling them how you feel. "You're not obligated to do anything you don't want to do and, of course, it's important to make those types of decisions earlier on in the process," Edwards states. But your date deserves to know you're not really into them anymore. "Be kind and straightforward by texting something such as, 'I've had a change of heart and don't think we'd be a match. I'm sorry for any scheduling inconvenience,'" Burns recommends.
Here's hoping nobody ever stands you up, but if the day comes when your date doesn't show, fret not. It's going to be OK, you will get through it, and there will be more dates with better people who actually value your time. Onward and upward.