9 Things To Remember If You’re Scared Of Texting Your Date

by Ginny Hogan

Dating can be tricky, particularly in the beginning. Everyone has different standards for what it means to be "dating" vs "hooking up" vs "in a relationship" vs "we made eye contact once, what is your name, please love me." Personally, I have a lot of trouble in the beginning of dating (as well as in the middle and end) figuring out how often to text them. Not everyone's a texter, and it's normal to be stressed about this, so if you're scared of texting the person you're dating, I have some super real things for you to keep in mind.

I've spent hours (probably days, possibly even centuries) of my life trying to pump myself up for texting someone I'm dating. Part of my problem is that texting is my favorite form of communication, and not everyone feels the same way (seriously, when my phone rings, my first thought is, "who hates me enough to do this to me?" — I am a text-only gal). I've dated people who hate texting, and trying to find a message to send them that they'll have an easy time responding to is beyond challenging. If this anxiety plagues you as well, you're absolutely not alone, and I'm here to help.

If you're nervous about texting the person you're dating, keep these nine things in mind.

It's OK To Text Different Amounts

I've dated people before where I literally counted how many words we each sent to the other to make sure I wasn't over-texting, and let me tell you — it's a huge waste of time. If your partner (or person you're dating) texts you more or less than you text them, and you're both OK with that, then there's nothing to worry about!

Them Not Responding Immediately Isn't Bad

A lot of my anxiety about texting comes from wondering when and if they'll respond. If you've texted someone you're dating, and it takes them more than an hour to respond, don't sweat it. So many people try to keep themselves off their phones, and them not responding instantly doesn't mean they're not into you.

People Like Attention

The person you're dating could very well appreciate the text, regardless of the content. It means you're thinking of them and want to communicate with them, and that's totally a good thing. So don't be afraid to text someone any random, fun thought — it shows you care.

They're Dating You For A Reason

They like your personality! They think the things you say are interesting and worthwhile. So don't stress too much about the content of your texts to them — they've already decided they like talking to you, and whatever your communication style is, it hasn't turned them off.

Texts Are Fast To Read

In fact, they take much longer to write. The person you're dating probably isn't going to be annoyed to read a text, even if they're busy. Of course, you should respect their time if they tell you they're too busy to craft a long response, but you don't need to feel self-conscious about sending something that's quick for them to read.

You Deserve Someone On The Same Page As You

I'm not saying the person you're dating is the reason you're nervous, but if they've given you any indication that they don't like your texting style, that could be more their problem than yours. You deserve better than dating someone who you feel you can't text in the way you'd like to — so, if you do feel limited by the person you're dating (which you definitely might not be), keep that in mind.

Everyone Gets Nervous

On top of the effects of being nervous, don't beat yourself up about being nervous. It's totally normal to be nervous texting someone you're dating, and you don't need to feel guilty if it's challenging for you. Everyone I know has been stressed over text messages — it's the most relatable thing in the world.

There Are So Many Ways To Communicate

I love texting more than anything, but it's totally fine to decide it's not your thing. If you'd rather talk on the phone or in person, and you've decided the text anxiety isn't worth it, talk to the person you're dating. If things are going well, and you can still communicate with them, they will probably be open to switching styles. After all, they like you because of who you are in person, so it's fine to not text if it doesn't work for you.

Who Wouldn't Want A Text From You?

You're amazing! You are funny and smart and kind, and your texts reflect that. So don't be stressed about texting the person you're dating (although, don't feel bad if you are stressed) — a text from you is a delight!

If you're scared to text the person you're dating, you're not alone. I have text-anxiety even about texting my mom (although, to be fair, she is quite slow with the responses. Sorry, Mom), so texting someone I'm dating is terrifying. Keep these nine things in mind to have an easier texting experience, and, no matter what, enjoy the dating process! It's challenging, but it's also an absolute blast.