Here's How Texting Changes When You DTR, According To Experts

by Ginny Hogan
Originally Published: 

Are you getting to the point where you're ready to define the relationship? In modern relationships, DTR typically comes after seeing each other casually for a while and before putting each other in your Instagram stories. There's no set timeline for DTR-ing: it can be within a few weeks or after months, depending on the cadence of the relationship. No matter when it happens, definition can change things. So, you might be wondering how texting changes when you define the relationship. To get the scoop for you, I spoke to the experts.

After DTR-ing, experts say your texting volume could increase. "DTR-ing can mean so many different things, but it almost always involves increasing the quality and quantity of communication," Sex and Relationship expert Caroline Giuliani tells Elite Daily. "Texting is a huge part of how you communicate, so it's only natural that you will text more often and more practically once you've made things official." If you've just DTR-ed and you notice an increased volume in texts, and that's totally normal. And if the volume has stayed the same, that's OK too — it's really a matter of finding a communication style that works for both of you.

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Your texting might settle into a rhythm that means each individual text is less surprising. You may notice that a text from your partner is more likely to be about logistics, and you don't have quite the same rush of excitement when you see their name appear on your phone. "When you're living your best single life, texting is a flirty, dopamine-fueled rollercoaster with the suspense of when/if/please-god-let-them text back at every turn," Giuliani says. "It's thrilling, distracting, addictive — all the things that make us feel oh-so-alive. In a relationship, texting gradually becomes a tool to coordinate and intertwine your lives, exchange advice, and do routine check-ins with comforting shorthands."

As you settle into the routine of a relationship, you may notice that your heart isn't fluttering every time you see a text from them. This doesn't mean the relationship is any less exciting — it just means you're confident in the partnership, so you no longer wait to see if they text you. And if your heart still does flutter when they text you, that's wonderful as well!

Texting after DTR-ing can be even more supportive. You are there to comfort each other through difficult situations, big and small. "You'll probably be texting to get and give support to one another during life's challenges," Giuliani says. "There's nothing like a little bubble that says 'you're fucking awesome — you got this' to help power through a tough situation at work. This reliable support is one of the major benefits to a partnership." Of course, you might be giving and receiving this type of support before DTR-ing, but after the DTR, it's normal for texting to be a form of communication for supporting and comforting each other. Part of being in a relationship is being there for your partner in whatever capacity works for the two of you, so if they (or you) prefer texting to communicate on hard days, then the way the two of you text after DTR-ing could change.

Andrey Pavlov/Stocksy

After DTR-ing, there are many ways to make sure your text habits keep things fun and exciting. For example, the two of you could sext throughout the day to spice things up (if sexting is something you both enjoy). "Use your comfort with one another as a platform to dive deeper (pun always intended) and engage in virtual fantasy and foreplay," Giuliani says. "Surprise each other with dirty messages about what you want to do them later or what you would do right now if you could teleport under their desk. If you have trouble figuring out what to say, visualize being with your partner and focus on particular details that turn you on." You know each other well, and this knowledge can allow you to sext with more detail and specificity, which can be a turn-on. Your text convos don't have to be strictly logistics-based after DTR-ing — throw some sexts into the mix to remind your partner what they have to look forward to the next time they see you.

DTR-ing is exciting — you and your partner have decided you're ready to be in an official relationship, and that's beautiful. So many things can change when you DTR, so it makes sense that your texting styles might shift as well. You're sharing your life with them via many means, text included. So, if you find yourself texting about plans and logistics, that's totally normal. Throw in a sexy text whenever you like to keep things fun, and happy post-DTR dating!

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