I'll be the first to admit it that I follow the lives of almost all my exes. Yes, there are one or two who I blocked on social media, but with the rest, we ended on pretty OK terms, so I check in on them from time to time. I try not to do this too much, but when something big happens in their lives — like, you know, an engagement — I rarely miss it. No matter how you feel about your past partners, it's totally normal to take note when your ex gets engaged. You had an intimate relationship with them, and seeing them commit to someone else could make you feel some feelings.
I had an ex get engaged recently. We dated years ago, and I feel completely over him. Still, I had a small sense of discomfort when I saw he was engaged to someone else. My first thought was to wonder what made him choose to commit to her and not me. I know it's not my fault at all, and his choice to marry her has nothing to do with me. Still, I couldn't help but think about it. If you also are feeling something unusual about an ex getting engaged, I have some tips for you.
Read on to find nine things to keep in mind when your ex gets engaged!
1. It Has Nothing To Do With You
I often view my exes' choices as reflections on how they feel about me, but I know it's not true. Your ex is an independent person, and marrying someone else doesn't mean they think the other person is "better" than you (not that there's really any way to compare two people).
2. It Means They're In A Specific Life Phase
Getting married can mean more than just loving another person — it can also mean wanting to settle down and start a new phase in life. Your ex marrying someone else might just mean they're in that life-phase and possibly weren't when you were dating them.
3. You'll Find Someone You Connect To Better
Maybe you already have! But your ex isn't the only person you're ever going to vibe with, and them choosing to marry someone doesn't mean your own romantic ships have sailed.
4. There Are Reasons You Broke Up
No matter how the relationship ended, something wasn't perfect about it. So keep in mind that the person they're marrying isn't better than you, they're just different.
5. It's Not A Contest
You have nothing to prove. You're amazing, and your ex knows that, no matter who is getting married first. You don't have to feel like you're in competition with your ex (although, if you do feel this way, it's completely understandable — I've been there, and I've found that time helped heal it).
6. Everyone Commits At Different Times
No matter where you are romantically (single, dating, engaged, married, divorced), it doesn't mean your ex is developing faster or slower than you — everyone chooses a different time to commit, and that's OK.
7. It's OK To Feel Sad About It
Just because you're sad that your ex is engaged doesn't mean you're not over them (and if you aren't over them, that's OK, too). Sometimes, just seeing someone's life change can make me feel sad, but it doesn't mean that my own life isn't progressing.
8. You Don't Have To "Like" The Announcement Post
No one will notice if you choose not to click "heart" on Instagram. If their engagement makes you sad (or feel anything negative), you can just mute both of them. You can even unfollow! It's your account, so make it work for you.
9. Your Relationship With Them Still Mattered
When you see your ex commit to someone else, it can feel easy to wonder if you meant anything to them at all. After all, they're now marrying someone who isn't you. Still, your relationship with your ex mattered and was an important part of their life, regardless of who they're with now.
When an ex gets engaged, it's totally normal to pay attention. No matter where you stand with your ex, it can feel strange to watch them grow with someone else. You don't have to feel guilty for any feelings that arise when they're marrying someone else, and it's totally fine to think about it. Just because they've found someone to commit to doesn't mean you won't. You deserve someone amazing, and that person is out there!