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If You Want To Marry A Royal, Here's Which One To Go For, Based On Your Zodiac Sign

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I care about exactly three things in life: My dog, the Royal Family, and finding a partner who can handle me in all of my Pisces glory. Oh, and Beyoncé. If your priorities are similarly aligned (and like, why wouldn't they be?), you're probs wondering 1.) How to marry a royal, and 2.) Who your perfect royal match might be, based on your zodiac sign.

Great, I'm glad you're here.

Sadly, I can't give you a road map to landing a royal fiancé — as Meghan Markle has yet to respond to my many messages on that topic — but I can tell you exactly which royal is your one true love, as dictated by the stars.

Are you a fellow Pisces? Let me introduce you to Prince Phillippos of Greece and Denmark, a Taurus. He looks a smidge like a grown-up Neville Longbottom, but in a cool, royal way. Are you a Capricorn like Kate? You, too, would be well-matched with a Cancer like Prince William. Or maybe you're a Virgo like Harry? King Jigme Khesar Mangyel Wangchuck — the "Dragon King" of the Kingdom of Bhutan — could be just the guy for you (though, unsurprisingly, you'd also have great sexual chemistry with a Leo like Meghan Markle).

Without further adieu, here's a breakdown of each sign's very own Prince or Princess Charming.

Aries (March 21 To April 19)

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Aries are best matched with Virgos (opposites attract, you know?) or the equally adventurous Sagittarius.

As mentioned, Prince Harry of Britain just so happens to be a Virgo. So, if you're looking for someone to keep you on your toes, and potentially sport your Golden Girls' sweatshirt, you're in luck, Aries. Harry's your guy.

Taurus (April 20 To May 20)

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Virgos are also a perfect match for you, Taurus, as you both prioritize romantic commitments. Fortunately, Harry's not the only Virgo with royal blood. The very scruffy and very handsome Prince Pierre Casiraghi of Monaco is a great fit for you, as is Queen Rania of Jordan.

Also, is it just me, or are all royal Virgos super fine?

Gemini (May 21 To June 20)

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If you're looking for a partner who's down to give you plenty of freedom to do your thing, Gemini, while also engaging in captivating, intellectual convos about the universe, you should def date an Aquarius, like Princess Marie of Denmark.

Cancer (June 21 To July 22)

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Cancers don't mess around when it comes to relationships — you've got a tendency to fall in love hard and fast, which is why you're so well-suited with the equally passionate Scorpio.

As it turns out, there are a ton of royal Scorpios across the world (Princess Ameerah Al-Taweel, Peter Phillips, Sheikh Hamdan bin Mohammed al Maktoum, the list goes on and on), but I've got a feeling you're going to hit it off with total royal DILF, Prince Felix of Luxembourg.

Leo (July 23 To August 22)

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If you're a Leo like Meghan Markle, you might assume that a Virgo like Harry is your type. But think again! Turns out, you're better suited for a sign with the same confidence and vivacious spirit, like an Aries.

Meet Henri, Grand Duke of Luxembourg. I know, I know — at 63, this might feel more like a Sugar Daddy situation. But don't underestimate Henri, Leos. This Grand Duke's got the same energy and rosy colored outlook that you do.

Virgo (August 23 To September 22)

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Virgo, if you're dying to become half of a dynamic romantic duo, set your sights on a Capricorn like Duchess Kate of Britain.

They'll not only be incredibly supportive of your goals and endeavors, they'll also push you to get sh*t done in the most compassionate, loving manner.

Libra (September 23 To October 22)

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Being the social butterfly that you are, Libra, you need a partner who's just as dynamic and sociable, which explains why you're so attracted to Geminis.

Queen Consort Jetsun Puma of Bhutan can offer all that you need, balancing grace, wit, and kindness (plus, she's got some of the most perfectly rosy cheeks I think I have ever seen).

Scorpio (October 23 To November 21)

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If you're looking for someone to balance out your intensity, Scorpio, opt for the cool, calm, and collected Aquarius. If, however, you're looking for a feverish love affair, go after a Cancer, like Prince William of Britain.

I know you hate to feel insecure in a relationship, and the Duke of Cambridge will never leave you feeling unloved, unwanted, or like anything less than a queen — literally.

Sagittarius (November 22 To December 21)

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Sags need a partner who's intellectually stimulating and exciting without being a total bore or overdramatic. You need a partner who can strike that balance and play different roles in different situations, which explains why you and Geminis work so nicely together.

Have you met Princess Madeleine of Sweden? No? She's third in line to the Swedish throne. Oh, and she might just be your soulmate.

Capricorn (December 22 To January 19)

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Capricorns like Kate Middleton are, as noted, a great match for Cancers like William. But, your true love might actually lie in someone you can inspire (who inspires you in turn): a Taurus. In which case, you should also get acquainted with the Swedish royal family...

Prince Carl Philip of Sweden is a very dreamy Taurus, and potentially your real-life Prince Charming?

Aquarius (January 20 To February 18)

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Aquariuses are open, free-spirited, and occasionally unpredictable. You're drawn in by those who have a similar warmth and openness — namely Leos, like Meghan Markle, the soon-to-be Duchess of Sussex (well, that's her rumored title, anyway).

You two will bond right off the bat, and your shared willingness to break from tradition (something Ms. Markle knows a thing or two about) will allow your relationship to go the distance.

Pisces (February 19 To March 20)

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I hate to admit it, but Pisces tend to be hopeless romantics. We value intimacy and emotional connections about all else in a relationship, which means Tauruses are often our perfect mates.

Prince Philippos of Greece and Denmark not only has a glowing, Mediterranean tan, he'll also push us Pisces to achieve our (often grandiose) dreams.

And, er, if you happen to have his number (or any royal's number, TBH), feel free to shoot me a DM...