If Moving In With Your Partner Was A Mistake, Here’s How You’ll Know
Moving in with a partner can be one of the most exciting things ever. Finally, your favorite person will be around 24/7 and there will never be a dull moment, right? Well, unfortunately, living with an SO isn't all romantic bliss and nonstop fun. Of course, there are a ton of things to be genuinely excited about when it comes to sharing a home with someone you love, but sometimes it's tough to see past the excitement to all of the potential conflict ahead. If moving in with your partner was a mistake, then there's a big chance that the warning signs were there all along.
Don't get me wrong: It's totally normal to have some doubts or second thoughts about major live decisions. However, if you're consistently concerned that your living arrangement with your partner isn't working out, it's important not to avoid fully acknowledging the issue, according to dating and relationship coach at School of Love NYC, Monica Parikh. "You must always pay attention to and honor your feelings," Parikh previously told Elite Daily. "I've seen too many people go silent on expressing their feelings, to the detriment of the relationship. Don't rationalize away negative feelings. You must honor your feelings first if you expect others to do the same." Here are some signs that you and your partner weren't really ready to live together.
1. You hadn't had your first big argument yet.
If you decided to move in with someone before seeing how they deal with conflict or how they handle themselves in high-pressure situations, then you probably decided to move in together too soon.
“Seeing how our partner reacts when an argument or difficult conversation arises is an important factor in deciding whether or not to stay with the person,” couples therapist and sexologist Isiah McKimmie told The Huffington Post. “If you can successfully manage arguments before and after the honeymoon phase, living together will probably be more harmonious.”
2. You didn't hash out the financial stuff beforehand.
“There needs to be conversations about how bills will be shared, what each person earns and how much debt you each have,” therapist Kurt Smith told The Huffington Post. “Being transparent about these things is evidence of a mature relationship that’s ready for the big step.”
If you and your partner aren't OK with an open and honest conversation about finances, then this is a big red-flag that the relationship wasn't as transparent as it should've been in order to facilitate a successful cohabitation situation.
3. You weren't familiar with each other's habits.
Relationship coach and founder of Maze of Love, Chris Armstrong, told Bustle that "items that seem small but can end up causing huge rifts, include leaving lights on or off, keeping doors unlocked or open, and the depth of cleaning you like to see in each room," are all things you should know about your partner before moving in together. "Maybe you like sleeping with your dogs in bed and your partner doesn’t. Or maybe you really want a dog or cat but your partner is opposed to it. These are all important things to consider before moving in together."
If your partner's living habits were a complete mystery to you before moving in together, and it's become clear that they're not compatible with yours, then chances are, you and bae probably weren't ready to live together.
4. You both assumed everything would be perfect.
It's easy to go into a new living situation with rose-colored glasses on. However, if you didn't discuss potential issues before they occurred, perhaps taking such a big step was a bit rushed.
“I would say that communication and expectation-setting are key,” clinical psychologist Janna Koretz, Psy.D, told Bustle. “Discussing potential issues before the move is an excellent way to avoid conflict and mismatched expectations."
What to do if you're unhappy living with your partner.
Although the idea of moving out after just moving in together may sound unbelievably daunting, not doing so could cause more suffering as time goes on. “The longer you stay in this kind of situation, the more you risk emotional damage to yourself, and the longer it is going to take to recover,” prominent dating and relationship therapist Dr. Gary Brown previously told Elite Daily.
Seeking advice from friends and family members whose opinions you trust might also be helpful. “Having the input of others can help us gain some perspective that we might not have on our own,” Dr. Brown said. “If you still don't have clarity, consider talking to a therapist who specializes in relationship issues. Understanding what the key issues are can help you with the uncertainty you are feeling.”
There's absolutely nothing wrong with realizing that moving in together might not have been the best course of action for you. However, that doesn't mean that you and your partner can't still stay together and work through issues on your own, or with the help of a professional. If you do decide that moving out is the end of your relationship, that's OK too — the most important thing is not to ignore the inner voice that's telling you things aren't working.