When you go through a really rough breakup that you did not see coming, it's easy to fall into denial. Being blindsided is no joke, and if you thought everything was going well in your relationship, being in denial about it ending is normal. But by figuring out how to stop being in denial about your breakup, you can take the necessary steps to get over your ex. Because blasting "thank u, next" on repeat can only do so much, y'all.
"Let yourself feel all the emotions," dating coach Diana Dorell tells Elite Daily. "Denial is a part of the grieving process, and the end of a relationship really can feel like a death of sorts. Trying to skip over how you feel or distracting yourself from your feelings is only a temporary solution." Being in denial can be tricky. Denying the breakup might help you feel better in the moment, but in the long run, you're going to have to face the facts and come to terms with the breakup. How else are you going to move on to the kind of love and relationship you deserve? Here's how to get out of that rut, so you can start the next phase of your life feeling fresh and ready to face the world.
Wanting to reach out to your ex in the days, weeks or months following a breakup is common, but it may make moving on much harder because, in a way, you still have them in your life. "Even if you and your ex aren't communicating, give yourself a timeframe, which you will commit to not reaching out to them in any way," Dorell recommends. Whether it's a week, a month, or three months, setting a specific amount of time when you won't try to talk them can be incredibly helpful in getting you out of the denial phase. "Once you get to that point, re-commit for another round," she says. "You may find that you don't even have the desire to reach out."
Deleting your ex from everything can be really hard, but Dorell suggests you delete their number ASAP. Unfollow and unfriend them on all social media platforms, and even, "let mutual friends know to not mention their name when you are around." By removing them from everything, you may allow yourself to truly accept that the relationship is over. Out of sight, out of mind, people!
"Have a simple ritual to honor the relationship, and then release any objects that remind you of them. Donate. Sell. Throw away," Dorell says. As heart-wrenching as getting rid of everything your ex gave you or things that remind you of them can be, it can really help get you out of the denial rut you're stuck in.
This may be the most difficult step when it comes to no longer being in denial. After all, not acknowledging that the breakup really happened is what being in denial is all about. But, you can't heal if you don't accept that it is really over. "You need to acknowledge it to yourself and really come to terms with it," Brit Burr, editor at large and writer for Psych N Sex, tells Elite Daily. "That’s not easy, of course but saying it out loud as much as possible, and just understanding" can really help you move forward.
"A good way to [come to terms with] that is to really focus on the future and to focus on yourself, and your wellness, and your health — physical, emotional, psychological," Burr says. Consider reaching out to friends who you may have put on the back-burner during your relationship, and try to mend those relationships. "Get a really well-rounded version of you. It may take some time, and you really just have to kind of grieve for a bit to let it feel real," she recommends. Once you've done that, you're one step closer to moving on with your life.
