How To Get Over Someone Who Blindsided You, Because It's Not Easy
Getting over someone after a breakup can be incredibly difficult, especially when you had no idea it was coming. In some relationships, you know when a breakup is on the horizon, so when it finally happens it may be a little easier to digest because it wasn't completely unexpected. But when a relationship comes to an end abruptly and without warning, letting go is often even harder. Figuring out how to get over someone who blindsided you with a breakup can be rough, so I reached out to an expert to learn about the best way to let go and move on.
It's completely normal to feel lost, confused, and sad when your partner springs a breakup on you out of nowhere. You didn't think you were having any problems, and things seemed peachy as ever! So, what could possibly make someone want out so suddenly? Sometimes, there may be a lot going through someone's head that they themselves might not even be able to explain. Before you can begin to heal, you should take some time to process what happened. "When you’re shocked by a breakup, part of the trauma is you're missing the intel that was there the whole time," April Masini, relationship and etiquette expert, tells Elite Daily. "You didn’t see it, and you let yourself fall for them."
After the shock of the sudden breakup subsides a bit, you may begin to "feel that the world is falling apart," Céline Sauvet, a French certified dating and relationship coach, tells Elite Daily. "It’s like an earthquake shaking up your life. You can feel abandoned by the universe, and this fragility can have effects on other areas of your life, such as sleep problems, stress, food disorders, etc." And as healthy as it may be to wallow in your pain, eventually you have to move on. Here are four ways to start doing just that.
1. Let Yourself Cry It Out
Before you're able to begin getting over someone who blindsided you, you have to let yourself feel whatever it is you're feeling. You may want to hold back your emotions, but that only slows down your healing in the long run. "You absolutely need to take time to feel the pain," Sauvet says. "Let the tears roll through your cheeks."
2. Be Real With Yourself
Once you've let your emotions flood you, Sauvet recommends introspection. "Start reflecting, and be honest with yourself," she says. "Did you ignore the signs, or did you just not see anything? It takes two to make a couple work." If you realize you were purposely ignoring the signs, try to see it as a lesson for your future relationships. If you didn't see them at all, think back on the last few weeks or months of your relationship, and try to pinpoint ways your partner may have changed.
3. Try To Be Positive
Being positive when you're going through the phases of a breakup can seem near impossible. But, "staying in negative feelings will not help," especially during your self-reflection about the breakup, Sauvet explains. "Each relationship teaches us what we need to improve in the next one: boundaries, more self-love, etc. Do not blame yourself or your partner too much," and as tempting as that may be, it doesn't really help you get over your ex. The best thing you can do is, "See what happened, as hard as it is right now, as a life lesson," she advises.
4. Surround Yourself With Love
There's only so much healing you can do on your own. Eventually, the thing you may long for the most is human connection. "This is the time to surround yourself with as much love as possible: friends and family, plenty of activities you enjoy doing, indulge in food that nourishes you deeply, get professional help. You name it," Sauvet says. Your friends and family want to help. You'd do it for them, so let them do it for you.
5. Take A Vacation From Dating
"Give yourself some time to get over the breakup," Masini suggests. "If you don’t, you’ll be looking over your dating shoulder at every corner." If you try to jump into a new relationship before you're emotionally ready to, it may cause problems between you and this fun new person who you actually really like. By giving yourself time between the breakup and the possible new boo, it'll keep you from projecting "your feelings about the recent blindsiding breakup on any new opportunities," Masini says.
So, if you were blindsided by a breakup, don't fret. You, too, will get over your ex. It may take some time, but there's absolutely nothing wrong with that, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. "Relationships are as successful as your dating evolution," Masini reminds us. "If you don’t learn from a breakup or a hurt, it was an expensive breakup. If you learn from it, then it has value for your future." Remember: You deserve someone who never has doubts about you or your relationship. "You deserve the best," Sauvet says. "So, give yourself the love you deserve."