Life sure would be a heck of a lot simpler if there was one foolproof way to go about a breakup, right? Unfortunately, relationships are far too complicated and nuanced for any reliable formulas. How you choose to end a relationship will depend not only on your particular situation (like how long you've been together and why you're choosing to walk away) but also your personality. That's why figuring out how to break up with someone based on your Enneagram is actually a super smart strategy — by taking your own core strengths, motivations, desires, and instincts into account, you can go about your split in a way that feels authentic.
When people are put into stressful situations, their true colors tend to come out, because conflict forces your values, your priorities, and your insecurities to come to the surface. Since the Enneagram framework emphasizes each type's core motivations and fears, it's a valuable resource when making any important decisions about your relationships. For instance, Gut Types (One, Eight, and Nine) like to be in control and are prone to externalizing anger. On the other hand, Head Types (Five, Six, and Seven) tend to withdraw when they become overwhelmed or anxious, and Heart Types (Two, Three, and Four) struggle with shame and the need for approval from others. These are all things that are worth knowing before initiating a breakup convo.
Needless to say, there's no right or wrong way to break up. However, if you can lean into your positive attributes while challenging yourself to overcome unhealthy habits, then you're more likely to feel good about how you ended things. Here's how your Enneagram type can bow out of a relationship in the most graceful way possible.
Seeing as you're driven by perfection, you'll need to break up with someone in a way that helps you to maintain your integrity and self-image. That probably means meeting up with them in person, and being straightforward about the fact that you don't wish to continue the relationship.
If you find that you're becoming overly critical of yourself — and your partner as the relationship comes to a close, try to appreciate the experience for what it was. Pointing out everything your SO did wrong (and dwelling on all your own missteps) probably won't help either of you. So, instead of beating yourself up over what you could have done better, give yourself time to reflect on what you learned from this partnership.
Breaking up with someone is not easy business for Twos, who are basically programmed to nurture and take care of their loved ones. You hate to think of causing your partner any kind of pain, especially since much of your self-worth may have revolved around making their life better.
Since it's in your nature to focus mainly on your SO's needs during a relationship, it's time to turn your attention inward and prioritize self-care. After ending things with your boo, make a list of any areas of your life you may have been neglecting, as well as any activities or affirmations you can adopt that reinforce this single notion: you are worthy of love.
For image-conscious Threes, it can be tough to resist the urge to hide behind a stoic façade during a breakup. But here's the thing: during such a vulnerable discussion, your partner will probably appreciate it if you can let your guard down because it'll demonstrate that the relationship meant something to you — even if it's ending.
One way to connect with your feelings during the breakup is to stay focused on the present moment. By forcing yourself to be with your partner fully, you can avoid the future-oriented thinking you're prone to — as well as any thoughts that might distract you from this momentous conversation.
For Fours, breakups can feel like an overwhelming rollercoaster of feeling all the feels. That said, given that you're so in tune with your emotions, they can also be an opportunity for self-discovery and inspiration.
Since you do much better in one-on-one conversations in which you can connect on a deeply intimate level, make sure to plan your breakup in an ultra-quiet, private location.
Then, once it's over, channel your innate creativity and passion by breaking out your journal, painting a picture, writing a poem, or finding another way to express what you're going through.
As a Head Center type, you like to gather the facts before committing to a decision. Before actually going through with your breakup, take all the time and space you need to process your feelings and thoughts before ending things with your partner. Not only will this make the conversation feel easier and safer to you, but it will also benefit your SO because you'll be more likely to open up, meaning they're more likely to understand where you're coming from. You both deserve that.
BTW, if you need a personal day after your conversation, that's understandable. Emotionally-driven convos (like breakups) can be quite draining for you, so allow yourself some R&R to reboot.
Since you tend to overanalyze, well, everything, pulling the trigger on a breakup can definitely feel difficult for you. That said, if you can focus on getting out of your head and back in touch with your gut instincts, suddenly the right way to go about ending your relationship will become much clearer.
If you're struggling with self-doubt, consider writing down a list of reasons why you need to move on from your current relationship. It may even help you to write a basic script for what you'll say to your partner so that nerves don't get in the way of being able to express your thoughts and feelings in real time.
As someone who lives their life in such a lighthearted, happy-go-lucky manner, breakups are a real killjoy for you — in fact, you not only dread them but sometimes actively avoid them. However, a breakup can actually be a valuable opportunity for Sevens to accept and embrace negative emotions, no matter how uncomfortable they may be.
Since you've got a short attention span and you're so future-oriented, honing in on mindfulness can be helpful. While you're talking to your partner about your decision, really pay attention to who you're with, what sensations you're experiencing in your body, and what kinds of thoughts and instincts are coming up for you. Remember: you may be tempted to seek out the next adrenaline rush (whether through an adventure or a rebound relationship) but it's well worth it to try and sit with your feelings for a bit, rather than distracting yourself from the pain.
Take-charge Eights have no problem whatsoever with confrontation — which means you won't shy away from telling your partner when you feel like the relationship is over. There's no problem with being direct, but keep in mind you don't need to say everything that's on your mind. In fact — sometimes, the less said the better when it comes to sparing someone's feelings.
Additionally, as a natural-born leader, you have a tendency to dominate conversations — but it's important to leave room for your partner to share their thoughts and feelings, too. That way, they leave the breakup feeling seen and heard.
Nines are true peace-keepers at heart, which is why breakups can feel so challenging for them. If you're struggling with indecisiveness or having trouble finding the courage to confront your SO, reach out to some trusted friends and other people in your network to let them know what you're dealing with. They may be able to validate your feelings and give you the confidence you need to finally end things.
Fortunately, as a Nine, your superpower is that you can see all sides of a situation — which means that when you finally do execute that breakup, you're sure to do so with immense empathy and compassion.