Why It's Perfectly Okay To Ask For Reassurance When You Need It Most
Everyone needs reassurance. We need that validation, and we want to know we matter.
This is crucial to keeping any relationship afloat.
Think about it: When you go a long time without talking to a friend, you almost feel compelled to reach out and validate your presence. So, you let him or her know, "Hey, I miss your face!"
Why do we do that? It's because we desperately want it in return.
We want to feel important, but we will never ever ask for it or make it known.
Why don't we ask for reassurance?
When we need other things in relationships, we ask for them: a massage, a ride, a hug. Why not reassurance?
Naturally, you might say, "I don't want to make anyone do anything he or she doesn't want to do," or "If the person can't do it without me asking, then the relationship isn't worth it."
If you hadn't asked for that massage, would he or she have known you needed it?
Sure, selfless complimentary massages are nice, but isn't it 100 times better when you actually need it?
As much as we want the people in our lives to be selfless and overly thoughtful, they can't be all the time. We are selfish creatures, tending to our own personal needs most of the time.
In relationships, things are different.
We now have to be considerate of another person's thoughts, emotions and well being. It isn't natural to do that; it actually takes self-discipline and effort.
As much as the person could bring us joy, we are still the center of our own universes.
We've all heard the old saying, "ask and you shall receive"
As clichéd as it may seem, it gets no simpler than that. We certainly aren't mind readers, so if we do not effectively communicate our needs, how will he or she ever know how you are feeling?
We sometimes demand too much from another person. We don't notice our unique ability to act like we are perfectly fine, when inside, we are screaming messes.
That moment when you just want him to know.
Sorry, but we can't expect guys to see past our actions when, in fact, we're damn good at keeping our cool.
I noticed something in my relationship. About every three months, my boyfriend and I have a serious talk, where we discuss our relationship, feelings and reassure each other in areas that need reassurance. (Don't get me wrong; it took us time to get there.)
Every so often, my insecurities get the best of me. Questions boil up in my head: "Am I good enough? What if he finds someone better? Can I really do this?"
These questions pertain to different areas of my life, not just our relationship, so I brought them to his attention.
I tend to be very hard on myself when I don't quickly achieve what I want. I start to doubt my very ability to execute my ambitions. Then I get upset for being upset.
It's not a good feeling, and actually pretty self-destructive. That circle of negative emotions resulted in feelings of hopelessness.
I would struggle with the fact that I actually understand how emotions can affect actions, yet I allowed myself to fall into the routine of frustration.
Just recently, we had one of those talks. I was starting to feel bad about talking about my feelings with my boyfriend because I thought they "weren't his problem."
I felt like a nuisance or a cry baby. I didn't want him to feel responsible for my feelings or insecurities, and I expressed this to him.
Do you want to know what he did? He hugged me tight and said, "Babe, shut yourself up."
I knew exactly what he meant when he said that because he knew that I was sabotaging my self-confidence in my head.
After a long, peaceful hug, the negative thoughts in my mind disappeared. My mind was completely cleared and I breathed the most satisfying sigh of relief.
Sometimes we don't realize all the pressure we put on ourselves by drawing all of these inaccurate conclusions to support our sh*tty feelings.
Stop thinking about how he or she might be bothered by your thoughts and feelings.
We need to be reminded me that our feelings are just as important as anything else, and understand that talking about them means we are making progress and strengthening our relationships.
Reassurance is a beautiful thing.
It reminds us why we cared in the first place, and why we chose that person to be our partner or best friend. It comforts us to hear that we mean the world to him or her.
We shouldn't be ashamed to go up to our partner/friend/family member and say, "Look, I need some reassurance, because I'm feeling a certain way..."
Sometimes our loved ones get so caught up and busy in their own lives that they overlook our frustrations. This does not mean they don't care.
If they only knew, they would help.
It's our job to let them know and to accept the comfort when it's much needed.
Next time you hit rock bottom emotionally, remember to shut yourself up.