Did We Get Back Together Too Soon? Experts Explain How To Know If You Rushed
Getting back together with an ex isn't always an easy choice. There can be several factors at play, like why you broke up in the first place, how much time has passed, and how you've changed as people since. If you get back together, and things don't go as well as you hoped, it's easy to wonder: Did we get back together too soon? It can feel impossible to know whether or not you made the right choice, but I reached out to several relationship experts for their take on how to tell if your relationship was ready for another round.
Breakups can sometimes feel inevitable. "As humans we are constantly changing and growing," Dawn Maslar, author of Men Chase, Women Choose, tells Elite Daily. "It’s important to keep growing, but sometimes a relationship can restrain that growth." That might be when a breakup makes the most sense. "When that happens, sometimes the relationship needs to break." Of course, that doesn't mean the relationship has to be over forever. "The good news is that the love can still be there," Maslar adds. "Sometimes a couple must separate for each to grow. The return to the relationship brings new depth and self-knowledge. However, sometimes the couple can get back together too soon."
But if you're back together with an ex, how do you know that it was too soon? According to Maslar, there are definitely some tell-tale signs. "You can tell it’s too soon when the same pain and arguments are still there," she explains. "If it feels like nothing has changed, then you may have returned too soon." Remember: You broke up for a reason, and if those reasons don't feel resolved, then it might not have been a long enough break.
Additionally, you and your ex should talk about your expectations before you get back together, Irene Fehr, sex and intimacy coach, tells Elite Daily. "When a couple decides to get back together, both partners need to reflect on their own growth and their partner's to decide if things are actually different, rather than assuming that things will be different before embarking on the next round," Fehr says. "It's important to have actual conversations about this to get on the same page — and to see how each partner shows up, rather than assuming that they will next time around."
And while things might feel good when when you first get back together, Fehr maintains that it might not always stay that way. "You are likely feel[ing] the initial excitement of getting back together as the love and sex hormones spike, but after they die down, you might feel that there's in fact less connection and trust in your partner," she says. "The same old patterns are likely to show up when things that didn't work are not addressed intentionally."
It truly is somewhat of a gut feeling. Getting back together with your partner might feel great at first, but if old arguments continue to rear their ugly heads, or you notice that your significant other is still treating you like less than what you deserve, it might be time to say goodbye for good.