On Rachel Lindsay's season of The Bachelorette, Dean Unglert was America's favorite boyfriend. We all fell in love with his honest and mature demeanor, the way he opened up about his family dynamic, and his blindingly white, boyish smile. But on Bachelor in Paradise, Dean showed us a side of him we didn't see on The Bachelorette — a side that proved he was not only a terrible boyfriend, but that he'd probably text us "u up?" at 2 a.m. and leave us on read when we responded.
This is not to say that Dean deserves to be alone forever, though. It just proves he's a human being who makes dating mistakes, much like the rest of us. The only difference is that his mistakes were in front of millions. But thanks to his new podcast Help! I Suck at Dating, a show where Dean asks random callers, experts, and his own exes to give him dating advice, he's working on it.
"I’ve been learning to be more honest with people, to not be afraid to say no," he tells Elite Daily. "One of my favorite things about myself — and one of the biggest struggles I have — is that I can’t say no to people. I’m very hesitant to. I think that it leads to good things, but it can lead to a lot of bad things."
One of the "bad things" he's referring to is his involvement with both Kristina Schulman and Danielle Lombard on Bachelor in Paradise.
To give a quick recap, during the Paradise filming break, Dean spent a few days in Kristina's hometown of Lexington, Kentucky. Then, he pulled back from Kristina and decided to spend time with Danielle when she came onto the show, ultimately playing both of them and forcing Kristina to say goodbye to Paradise. It was not a good look, to say the least. And he blames the whole situation on his inability to say no.
"I think the root of it is that I’m a people pleaser," he says. "I think that [was] kind of the most important thing for me with Danielle and Kristina: I wanted to make sure everyone was happy, and I'd like to not hurt people's feelings. And that ultimately led to more feelings being hurt."
I wanted to make sure everyone was happy, and I'd like to not hurt peoples feelings. And that ultimately led to more feelings being hurt.
There were lots of things he liked about his relationships with both Danielle and Kristina, but he liked that Danielle seemed more "light-hearted about the whole experience." "That was my mentality going into it as well. I wanted it to be fun and just kind of carefree and light-hearted, and she — at the time, at least — represented that less seriousness," he says. This, obviously, contradicts Dean spending time in Kentucky with Kristina, a move that any girl would interpret as a desire to become serious. But Dean admits he messed up there. "Kristina’s great, but it got to a point where it felt like we were moving too quickly, and I wanted to slow things down. Maybe I just didn’t do a great job of communicating that clearly or making my intentions clear enough," he says.
Despite the fact that people's feelings got hurt during the season, Dean says he wouldn't change anything about what happened. "It's constructive for me to be able to look back and see what I need to work on," he says. And though he plans on doing that work on himself before he finds someone, he claims he's not not ready for a partner. "I think all of us are kind of at the root of everything looking for a partner, so I’m not saying I’m not looking and I’m not saying I am looking," he says. "I think I have a lot of personal growth to do before I can fully settle down."
I'd say most 20-somethings are in the same boat, Dean. Maybe we'll all learn a thing or two from your podcast. Good luck. (I say that to all of us.)
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