You know when you meet someone, and you just vibe? You never run out of things to talk about, you laugh together, you have tons in common, and you feel a sort of magnetic-like attraction to them? But also you just want to grab their face and kiss them all over and keep them forever? That, my friends, is called chemistry, and if you get butterflies just thinking about what chemistry in a relationship feels like, then you’ve definitely been there. It’s great, isn’t it?
People feel chemistry in different ways, though. Sometimes it takes a little bit of time to form, and other times, you feel it right away. I can tell if I have chemistry with someone on the very first date. If the conversation is awkward and forced, and if I’m not physically attracted to them, I know we don’t have chemistry and I'll usually refrain from going on a second date. Like the time I went on an awkward dinner date with an app match, and neither of us texted the other after! I wasn’t offended — it was mutually obvious that there was just no spark. (I later ran into him in line for the bathroom at a bar and LOL, so fun! JK not fun at all, it was the most awkward.)
“You [should] feel it in your gut — chemistry is, of course, chemical,” Erika Kaplan, senior matchmaker at Three Day Rule, told Elite Daily. If there really is chemistry between you and a date, “you’ll feel that pull and feel confident your date is interested, too.”
But don't take my word for it. If you’re feeling unsure about whether or not you feel that chemical connection with someone, hundreds (and I mean hundreds) of people took to Reddit to talk about what chemistry in a relationship feels like for them. If you can recognize any of these feelings in yourself, congrats! You get an A+ in chemistry. (Bad joke, couldn’t resist, sorry not sorry.) But if you just don’t feel that spark, maybe it’s time to graciously say goodbye.
It really isn't something you "know" analytically. It's something you just feel.
You want to keep talking to them. Hanging out with them is comfortable, and conversation and mutually fun activities flow naturally in a relaxed way. You just get the way they phrase things. Your sense of humor lines up with theirs... Etc.
Romantically/sexually, some additional characteristics of having chemistry would be you just feel like you want to be right beside them, you have spontaneous thoughts of kissing them or having sex with them (and you like those thoughts), you find their specific features and mannerisms enjoyable to watch, when you actually get physical with them it flows naturally and everyone feels comfortable and not awkward, the way they touch you feels amazing, and you love the way their body feels when you touch them.. etc.
Good chemistry can happen between a romantic partner and someone you just really click with.
When it's a romantic partner, it's sexual. It feels magnetic, likes there's static or sparks in the air. You get goosebumps or a tingly warm feeling. You feel happier. Lighter. You want to hold hands with them. Kiss them. Touch them. It's good chemistry, when all those feelings are mutual. It's hard to describe in a way that doesn't sound cheesy or made up. It may start off as purely physical attraction, but good chemistry also happens when you talk to them.
The conversation flows, it's mutual, you're both getting pleasure learning about (and from) one another. You're both in the moment, enjoying it, having fun. You want to keep talking. You want to know more about them. You want to hear their thoughts, opinions, ideas. You're both in sync in terms of humour and opinions. This part, without the physical attraction, makes good friendship energy - someone you just really click with.
I consider good chemistry to be when the relationship feels "effortless". Effortless is a word my boyfriend and I have described my current relationship many times. Not to say there is no work and we can just be lazy or taken for granted, it's just that the work we do put into the relationship is productive and invigorating, it doesn't take anything out of us emotionally. We rarely fight yet we are two very passionate people with strong opinions, I think because we communicate so well. On the rare occasion we do fight, its a very productive discussion, and we both come away from it learning something more about ourselves or each other. The good communication and feeling of support affect other areas of the relationship as well, like sex, for example. I feel like there is no way for the sex to be bad, we are just in tune with each other and when we aren't, we are very communicative to get our needs met.
I just feel like our relationship is so effortless and fulfilling. I think maybe that is chemistry? Maybe not, but whatever it is, it works.
You have fun with the person and don't want to stop hanging out with them/talk with them. You have a lot in common or you bond over some of your opposites. They make you happy. If it's romantic -- you also want to do it with them and always be touching.
— MrHydra
For me, chemistry is essentially defined by mutually enjoyable interactions with that person.
So for a romantic partner it'd mean we have great conversation, I love their insights and opinions, we make each other laugh, I look forward to seeing them again... and we're attracted to each other and both feel the desire to have sex.
It can be hard to feel chemistry early. I know I rarely feel it after the first couple of dates. Chemistry isn't just superficial things in common and finding someone attractive - to me - so it does take a little while to establish. Once I have a rapport with someone it gets a lot easier to judge if we fit well or not.
— Lluxx
I have only felt chemistry with one person. Best way for me to describe it is like being in sync. We aren't similar at all, and there is quite a large gap in our ages and experience but I feel a physical sense of contentment when we are together. It is very easy to be with this person (I consider myself to be quite introverted but talking to them takes no effort at all). I didn't feel this when we first met (we met when I was very young) but we met by chance several years later. In the time it took for us to have a cup of tea, we felt it. Sorry if this isn't very helpful, I think I am trying to say that sometimes it takes being in the right place at the right time.
— corvia
For me there's both physical and intellectual chemistry. The last guy I dated, it was all physical chemistry. So with that it's almost like magnetism, you feel drawn to them, you have to kiss and touch them. You may enjoy conversation but it's just building up to more kissing and touching.
Intellectual chemistry takes time, conversation. Those dates are the ones that don't end with a kiss, but that attraction builds over time I guess. For me I know after 2 dates if there's chemistry. This is the more common pattern for me.
I believe it exists, but I don't believe it can develop. Love can grow, but chemistry is supposed to exist from the start.
The excitement and "butterfly in the stomach" feeling will fade, but chemistry can last. I know that it's been 4 years with my GF and we still feel as symbiotic and connected, often noticing we were thinking about the same absurd thing at the same time, deeply understanding each other without needing to say something, etc.
I believe it's an absolute requirement for any serious relationship.
— n0ggy
Clearly, chemistry (however you define it) comes at different times for different people. But largely, most people seem to describe it as a physical and emotional feeling you just get when you're spending time with someone who — even if you can't pinpoint why — you definitely want to see more of. It's not something that you can force, it's just there. And if you're not feeling it, don't stress. The feeling is probably mutual, and maybe, one day, you'll run into each other in a crowded bar bathroom line and you'll both just know it wasn't meant to be. I hope you don't though, that was awkward AF.
This post was originally published on May 11, 2018. It was updated on Aug. 28, 2019 by Elite Daily Staff.
