I don't know if there's anything better than the excitement of having a new crush — especially when that feeling's reciprocated. The butterflies that rush through your stomach as soon as they enter a room. The electricity that zips through your veins each time their hand brushes across your thigh. The way literally everything about that person seems interesting, enticing — as though they've been woven together by 100 percent boyfriend or girlfriend material. Before you ever reach that point, though, you've got to ensure that there are early signs of chemistry.
Regardless of how compatible you and your potential partner seem to be on paper, if there's no spark or fire between the two of you, it's tricky to build an exciting, fulfilling relationship with that person (frustrating as that may be).
Take it from me. A few years back, I dated — er, went on several dates with — a guy who seemed like my ideal type. He was cute and successful, with an English accent and a degree from the University of Cambridge. We had fun together, sure, and conversation was fairly easy, but there was nothing really thrilling about the time we spent together. I didn't crave his company in-between dates, or crack up at his jokes, and I definitely didn't have that fiery, excited feeling when we kissed. Because, as I soon realized, we just didn't have a chemical connection.
That said, it can sometimes be tricky to tell whether or not you and your date really have chemistry — especially if they're ticking all of your other boxes (see example above).
To help you unearth those signs early on, I chatted with Erika Kaplan, senior matchmaker at Three Day Rule, about the sparks and signals you should look out for in an early relationship. Here are the three greatest signs that you and your crush have real-life chemistry, as told by a true pro.
It may sound clichéd, but laughter really is the best medicine. No matter how physically attracted you might be to a person, if you're not laughing with each other, it's near impossible to maintain a fun, flirtatious bond (and continue to build up chemistry).
"Sense of humor can be very telling," explains Kaplan. "Not only does laughing on the date prove that you're on the same page humor-wise, it shows that you two are feeling comfortable enough to let your guard down."
Laughter's indicative of comfort. And if you're not feeling comfortable or giggling with your date, you probs don't have chemistry, either.
You don't have to dive into Descartes-style discussions and attempt to answer the existential questions of life, but if you and your date seem to tackle little more than your day-to-day work life or favorite vacay spots, it could be indicative of a more shallow connection.
On the flipside, if you guys are starting to have deeper conversations (about your family, your friends, your upbringing), it probably means you've got a deeper connection as well.
As Kaplan puts it, if you two "dig a little deeper" in your date night chats, it's a definite indicator that you two have chemistry.
"Rather than circling the usual superficial topics of job, hobbies, [and] vacations (all fine for dates one and two!), you find yourselves talking about more vulnerable topics like family and life goals," she says.
Now, let's say you're having great, intellectually stimulating convos and cracking up at each other's jokes on the regs. The last piece in this crushable chemistry puzzle is your gut instinct — if something still feels a little off between you and your date, it likely is. By that same token, if you're gut's giving you the green light on this relationship, it's a great sign for your future with this guy or girl.
"You [should] feel it in your gut — chemistry is, of course, chemical," says Kaplan. And if that chemistry's there, "you'll feel that pull and feel confident your date is interested, too."
If you and your latest crush are vibing in all of these ways and more —congrats, girl! You may have found yourself a keeper.
