Do you ever feel like you're constantly comparing yourself to other people? On social media, in your classes, at work, or even within your own family. I'm not sure what we expect the ~winner~ to receive or if we even know what it would take to win. We just want to be viable competitors in the race. Like, have you ever found yourself comparing how often you have sex among your friend group? This conversation is straight out of an episode of How I Met Your Mother, New Girl, or even Sex and the City, which should be reason enough to ditch it from your routine.
Real life is much more complicated. What works for you (sexually or otherwise) might not necessarily work for your Barney Stinson-like friend. You should never have to justify your decision to be celibate or to jump everything that moves. It's simple, really — your body, your choices.
I know from being in long-term relationships myself that people have more discretion when asking this question of someone in a committed relationship. For some reason, only then does asking someone how often they have sex and worse, commenting on it become a more private, intimate issue.
Single women, on the other hand, aren't as lucky. It's basically the Madonna-whore complex all over again. If a woman embraces her sexual freedom and enjoys being intimate with multiple partners, well, she's Samantha Jones in Sex and the City.
Of course, if she remains celibate while she's single, she's more like Charlotte, a so-called prude. Don't get me wrong. I love both of these characters but they're staged as polar opposites for a reason — to make you believe that you should be one or the other. The truth is, you can be a Samantha, or a Charlotte, or a Carrie, or a Miranda (yasss, Cynthia Nixon), but it's always best to be yourself.
Live your best sex life on your own terms, just like these seven single women who reveal how often they have sex and why.
Have Sex Because Midterms Are Finally Over
For me, it kind of depends on everything else going on in my life. So if I'm working a ton or crazy busy with school, I'm way less likely to go out on dates, which means I'm way less likely to be getting laid. But if I do have the time and energy to ~seek out~ a mate!, I'll have sex like once a week. It all comes in ebbs and flows.
— Loren*, 24
Have Sex Because It Fits Into Your Schedule
Daily to weekly depending on schedule.
Have Sex Because You Feel Comfortable (Or, You Know, Don't)
I haven't been comfortable sleeping with anyone since I got out of a relationship. The last time I had sex was January of 2017. I think, for me, the biggest thing when having sex is feeling comfortable with someone so I've never been one for one-night stands. There have been moments when I've thought about just trying to have sex with someone I don't feel anything for, even friendship, but it just feels so weird and foreign. Who knows? Maybe I'll do it soon if I get impatient.
— Ana*, 24
Have Sex Because You Have A High Sex Drive
When single, I usually have partnered sex once every month or three, when I get desperate or lucky. For my sex drive, I'd like to be having sex every other day, but I also require some emotional connection first and emotionally couldn't really handle either building that with someone new every other day, or jumping into and between flings that quickly.
Have Sex Because It's Fun
Ideally I would want it a couple of times a week. Most of the time it's once a week because I want it. I enjoy it that's literally the only reason. I wouldn't say I need it, but it's an enjoyable experience! Or at least it should be!
Have Sex Because You're In Love With Yourself
Newly single. Once or twice a week because as of late, my confidence has sky rocketed. I feel sexy and they make me feel sexy. I love the attention therefore it makes for great sex. And great sex is always sought out for me.
Have Sex Because You Feel Like It
I set rules for myself, but I’d prefer 1-2 times a week. The rules are either Friday and Saturday, unless I’m just not feeling up to it. If I had a bf, it’d be a lot more since we’d probably talk about what nights I could stay over and leave from his place straight to work. For now, Fridays and Saturdays. I don’t want to risk being groggy and/or late for work during the week. I also don’t want to risk overstaying my welcome. It really depends on the guy though.
Have sex. Don't have sex. Honestly, it's nobody's business but your own.