Categorizing Women: Why Women Are More Than A Madonna Or A Whore

by Sabrina Dominique

Is there anything more confusing than the male mind?

The answer is yes — bet you didn't expect that. When you think about it, the male mind isn't all that confusing. Their "complex" inner psyches may seem like labyrinths, but realistically, men's list of priorities include only a handful of things: booze, sex, food and money -- not in that order, necessarily. (I’m not trying to generalize, but based on experience, this seems to be true.)

While I fully believe that males are, at their cores, easy to understand, I don't deny that their behaviors can be confusing for females. We, women, must begin to understand that we confuse ourselves and are masters of our own catastrophes.

When men don't act in ways we expect them to, we grow to be frustrated; what we expect and what we get rarely match up. I often build things up in my head, ruining them before they even have a chance to start.

I know I'm not alone in my daily struggle to decipher some guy's feelings or figure out why he refuses to answer my [39] phone calls. Just kidding. I've never called someone that many times. Promise.

It's not difficult to see that the dating game has drastically changed. However, whether it's for the better or for worse remains unseen. I tend to lean towards the latter belief. We're desensitized and conditioned to be less emotional, to care less about hurting people and more about trivialities.

I liken modern dating to being locked in an ice cream shop overnight: Social media and technology allow us an overwhelming amount of options -- we get a little taste of every flavor.

If we like the flavor, we might invest and buy a scoop. If we don't like it, that little spoon will go in the trash and then we're ready to try another. Eventually though, you'll just end up with a bunch of garbage and more often than not, a sick feeling in your stomach.

This wonderful world of dating has allowed me to "taste test" (no pun intended) a variety of men from all walks of life. And while I run the risk of sounding like a floozy, there is a point to be made from this. There's a trend that I've noticed: Once they get laid, they're pretty much out the door.

It may not be sudden and it may not be unexpected, but it happens. It doesn't appear to matter how long they've known you or how comfortable they are with you. As soon as the proverbial flower is deflowered, there is an undeniable shift in attitude.

A lot of you may assume that I've been at fault in my own experiences. Granted, I do tend to fall prey to the same alpha-male type who only has room in his head and heart for himself. That's another issue.

I attribute this to the Madonna-Whore Complex. While Sigmund Freud's theory is intricate and complex, men do tend to immediately categorize women into one of two categories:

Category A: The "good girl" that they imagine to be girlfriend material. (These are the Madonnas.)

Category B: The "bad girl" hookup with whom there is no emotional or deeper interest. (These are the whores.)

Many men claim to want a healthy dose of both qualities. In other words -- since I'm unable to articulate it as eloquently as Ludacris did, I'll quote him -- "a lady in the streets, but a freak in the bed."

Unfortunately, once men get the “goods,” many aren't so eager to stick around. Perhaps the biggest double standard that plagues Gen-Y today is that having sex with a male "too soon" may completely change his opinion of you. It's not fair, but it happens.

Everyone knows that girl: the one who’s branded as a slut because she's a bit promiscuous. But, in case you weren't aware, a person's sexual experience is not his or her defining characteristic. The number of men with whom she's slept doesn't equate to a lack of intelligence or strength or capability or sensitivity. How frequently or quickly she has sex with someone doesn't reflect her value or self-worth.

When men become so focused on tasting every flavor in the ice cream shop, how can they remember to savor what's in front of them? The hook-up culture that plagues our generation is making the art of getting to know someone a thing of the past.

We all have ideas about what it means to be a respectable woman. Men have a certain idea of this, too. Truthfully, there's no rule that states a woman can't be both a lady and a freak. Luda, fear not, your dream woman is roaming around somewhere -- all pearls and cardigans by day, bustier and no panties by night.

It seems that when it comes to sleeping with a man, you're damned if you do and damned if you don't. Wait too long and you'll be labeled as a prude. Rush into it and you'll be labeled as a slut.

But, who decides when the timing is right? And, why is it that this label is based on not much more than the amount of time a woman takes to open her legs? Categorizing women in this way benefits no one. Preconceived notions usually end up being more hurtful than helpful.

If the males would cease to devalue women after having sex with them, they'd probably realize that the chick they only call during a drunken weekend stupor actually has depth, brains and drive — that she’s so much more than just a Madonna or a whore.

Photo via We Heart It